#7889
Alone
Participant

That’s exactly my GP’s attitude as well. It was the first time this particular person had met me, he judged me instantly. He wouldn’t believe that I pay rent to my family or that they would kick me out. He didn’t believe I couldn’t afford to eat. I had gone there for practical help, I needed a note for my employer or to be signed off so I could claim ESA and look for another job without the threat of homelessness and the bullying at work. He considered me to be someone who assumes the worst case scenario, he clearly didn’t believe a word I said. He told me to go on a forum for support. I needed practical help to make changes in my life, I wasn’t looking for emotional support! He refused everything I asked for. It was pay day and I had no money, so I became homeless that very evening. I won’t be going back there again, I don’t trust them, I desperately needed help at that point and I feel completely disregarded.

I believe my friends got to the point where they stopped believing I was tackling my problems. They kept increasing over the period of several months, it went from abuse at home to bullying and harassment at work, to a bereavement, demotion, drop in income, unable to afford to eat, to homelessness. I was thrown out of the CAB, doc was useless, so I think people stopped believing someone could have so much bad luck. Well I did. I didn’t lie about any of it, I’m not an attention seeker, and I have plenty of good qualities that get me attention if that was what I wanted. They know exactly where I am – I haven’t moved because I am not entitled to housing. I am working every moment I can to make savings, and looking for my next job move that would provide me with enough income to pay rent somewhere. I felt like I was in control of my own life for the first time ever, I felt all the problems were a thing of the past and that I had dealt with them. I was ready to step into my new life, and try all the things I was never allowed… but when I tried to get back in touch, everyone was ignoring me. I am in silence 99% of the time because I don’t have a single person in my life. The only time I speak is to answer the same old customer questions at work, and loneliness is driving me mad. I feel like I must be the worst human being in the world – first my family started hating me, then my employer, now I have no friends. I don’t want a lonely, empty life. I can’t stop thinking that I should have never tried to better my life, I lost everything that gave my life meaning, I just can’t find a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Every occasion such as Christmas, NYE and now my upcoming birthday give me a little hope that someone will remember me, someone will wish me a happy whatever the occasion is, but then not a single person does, and my heart breaks into even more pieces.

Sorry to be so moany, I am really not in a good place today! I started to work on my new room today and just gave up. I’m sick of it and can’t be bothered anymore, the harder I work at things, the more I lose!

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