#7915
mixed-up mum
Participant

Hi Eve – I know just what you mean – your parents are just like my exes parents – my ex, his father and his father before him were/are controlling abusive husbands.

I never met my exes paternal grandparents, but I have heard so much about him, and how he treated his wife.
I know from being his daughter-in-law for xx years how nasty and controlling a little man my father-in-law is.
He is one of those people who is ALWAYS right, and he knows it all ( well he thinks he does, he is very Dyslexic, and a bit of a chip on hid shoulder) failed miserably at school, picked on and made fun of at school, but they met and married very young and he got away from his abusive father, and then very soon realised, there were people HE COULD control (his wife and children!!)
Fast forward 20 odd years, and the story repeats itself all over again with the next generation – my husband……

I know my ex father-in-law is racist, sexist and a very controlling, domineering man, but in the days when they married you just put up with it, and unfortunately she did, poor woman – and shes still there yet 50+ years down the line…..she did not have the courage to leave – and it took me many years to do it – but I DID do it eventually……

She is not in good health now, and she has no life with that man, and is so miserable, I have been told he did hit her in the past, (when my ex and his bros and sis were little) and he publicly picks on and humiliates her, even stil. I’m also sure he will have sexually abused her over the years – but she is of the generation who would NEVER discuss that kind of thing.

My ex and his brother and sis have seen this for years – but were too affraid of their father to stand up against their father, and defend their mother – but now it had got to the stage FINALLY when they DO stand up to him, and will defend her.

It has got to the stage where my exes sister won’t speak to her father anymore, and does not want to see him, she wants to see her mother, and spend time with her, but she doesn’t want to go and see her father anymore, and in fact does not want her father in her house, or in her life.

Does this sound like your situation Eve?

Now bearing in mind all I’ve just told you – (removed by moderator) I finally plucked up the courage to tell my ex sis-in-law what my married life had been like – it took me A LOT of courage to do that as I had never before actually SPOKEN those words to ANYONE – well she refused to believe me and defended her brother – that was the last time we spoke and I have given up with his family now.

For a while it hurt me that after the 20 odd yesrs I was part of their family and now they want nothing to do with me, but now I have accepted that.

It did hurt that she KNEW how her father treats her mother, and yet found it impossible to believe her brother did that same to me…..she MUST KNOW deep down that I WAS telling yhe truth……

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