mixed-up mum

Hi Eve, sorry Im not very good with advice, but I know how you feel and I can sympathise with you.

I was VERY VERY close to my daughter when we still lived with her abusive father. However we went through a very hard time after we left him – it took its toll on her always trying to protect me from him and stop him ‘getting to me’ – and when we were finally free she no longer knew what to do, and cracked under the strain she had been under, she went ‘off the rails’ for a bit – she had a few ‘boyfriends’ who were really not very good for her.
She became unrecognisable as the daughter Id known and loved so much – she was so cold towards me and so uncaring, the total opposite to what she had been, she wanted tobspend no time with me, it was very painful to see our very close relationship fall to pieces, and there was nothing I could do.
I tried everything I could think of to save our relationship, but nothing I did made any difference, I was in total dispair, going through a marriage break up AND loosing my daughter, I was heartbroken.

This is what brought me here to survivors forum, and I’ve been here ever since!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂

Eventually in her own time she healed, and we are almost back to how we were, she will now let me sit next her, without cringing, she will give me a cuddle and a kiss again now, where as before if I came near her she would physically recoil.
When we were ‘estranged’ she wanted to spend no time with me spending all her time messaging boys on-line and pushing me out in the cold – her brother was in his room, she in hers, and me on my own in the sitting room – I spent every evening alone – I thought – is this the ‘better life’ I left him for….. It was a very tough time.

Now she is with me all the time, we hardly see her (removed by moderator) brother, he spends all his time in his room on his Xbox, they don’t get on and argue all the time, he can’t say a civil word to either of us – I just hope in time he will grow out of it, and we will all live together hapily one day……

She had quite a miserable time at school, very few friends, never really fitted in – but now (removed by moderator) she loves it and has made some really nice friends.
I have tried to encourage her to make more effort with her new friends, trying to get her to message them and chat on FB, but she never makes any attempt outside (removed by moderator), I suggested tonight that she ask them out to our house for a few drinks, and maybe watch a film, or go to our local for a few drinks and a supper, or to the local cafe for a lunch – but she won’t do this and its not helping her get to know her new friends if she won’t at least TRY and meet them half way.

I want her to have nice pals she can go out with, but she has got to be seen to make the effort too.

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