My situation is a little different, as my abuser is a parent, however she is also financially abusive and hides money.

My first indication was when I was studying, she had full control of my bank account and my entire student loan would be gone in a matter of weeks, so I had to apply for further funding. I asked for receipts to prove all the running costs of our home, but even if I had been paying all those costs alone my money was enough for the period it was supposed to cover!

But I was naïve and thought she was just poor at budgeting, and kept fighting to get her more money.

When I started working I insisted on having control of my own bank account, and still she insisted that even with the costs divided between all the people living here, I personally wasn’t paying enough, and that apparently everyone was struggling because of me.

It was a couple of years before I took it more seriously and looked into how much everything costs. I worked out what her income could be, and using the LOWEST figures for every person living here, we should be more than meeting our outgoings.

Meanwhile I was getting accusations that I am hiding money, have secret bank accounts and secret jobs etc. Bank statements were being stolen, and she was coming up with false accusations for where money was going, for example if it wasn’t clearly labelled on the bank statement as ‘Supermarket Name’, I was accused of transferring money to one of my secret accounts. Eventually I looked at her bank statement, and saw SHE is the one with a few hundred put away!

So long story short, I think that if you have a suspicion, then something is up. If they accuse you of something, there’s a high chance they are actually accusing you of their own actions. I know my mum often accuses me of the things she is doing as it justifies her doing it too, in her own twisted mind.

I’ve decided to take her accusations as advice, and now do have a secret account and am trying to put some savings aside for my future. I’ve decided that I can’t stop the accusations, but I may as well do something for myself instead of constantly trying to prove that she’s wrong.

I don’t think you necessarily need to prove it, possibly the relevant authorities could look into it if you flag it as a concern/possibility? That part I don’t know too much about.


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