I’m worried that if I go to the police hey will involve social services. They were never involved before but I have read about circumstances where they were involved because the mums were making bad choices by taking them back. My children are my world and I can’t have a question mark over my head about them. I work in a school too. The repercussions of this are huge. I’m thing my husband could find out because if I’m honest I’ve been imagining telling people. I’ve created this fantasy in my head where I am better equipped now because we know he has bipolar. Like I could somehow help him. I know how this sounds. And if someone else were to say it to me, I’d say it was nuts. But I’ve managed to convince myself he has changed. And what if he has. He is convinced we are meant to be and this was all in gods plan. That one day, when he was well we would find ourselves together again. I worry the damage this will do to him if I walk again. I can’t help but be honest and say I don’t want to walk. He has this hold and I don’t know how far I’m going to get involved here before it’s too late to turn back. I have really messed up.

Thank you for your reply. I know how this all sounds. But I literally can’t talk to anyone. My friends and family watched the struggles I went through while I was with him and then leaving everything I knew and loved behind. They would think I’d gone completely insane!

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