Thank you so much for your reply. It actually made me cry. Simply because I know every bring you’re saying is true. I know it’s what I need to do. What is wrong with me!! I am going to see him tomorrow after work to try and work it out. What if he really has changed though. He says he hasn’t hit his last girlfriend. I know a lot about his mental illness and if I can just avoid triggers or pushing his buttons could it not work? My god did I really write that! I know how this sounds. But my mum has bipolar and I know you really can change. With the right meds and support. He was diagnosed last year after years of being in and out of hospital and suicide attempts. He has been honest and told me he still self harms (what he calls ‘cat scratches’) whereas before they were life threatening and caused him to be hospitalised. I am sounding so stupid! This is ridiculous. I was so over all of this! I wonder if it’s some sort of reaction to my marriage breakdown? At our marriage counselling my (violent) ex was the only thing that made me cry. There is obviously a massive issue still in my mind I just couldn’t see it. I refused counselling when I left the refuge. And they seemed happy I’d don’t need it. What on earth has happened!

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