#8089
nowvoyager
Participant

Hello, I am new to the forum. My husband has been mentally abusing me for a long time and I’ve finally told him that I want to split up. We’ve been married for (detail removed by moderator) years. He’s got a good job and I’m a housewife because I like to be at home and having the freedom to do what I want when he’s not here is invaluable to me and he likes me to be at home to wait on him. We’ve got a grown up son who lives away and he’s lovely. We’ve got (detail removed by moderator )dogs that we both love and (detail removed by moderator)which all works very well. I don’t know where to start to tell you about my experiences of the mental abuse I’ve lived with but mainly it’s about him being controlling and stubborn. Everything has to be done how he likes it to be done and as he often tells me when I stand up to him that’s because he’s earning the money and I’m not. He has no respect for me and treats me like an employee rather than a wife. (detail removed by moderator) years ago he left me for a woman he met at work. At the time we had a house that we rented out but it was empty and behind my back he was secretly doing up this house so that when he left he’d have somewhere to live with her. Just a few days after he left he was saying he’d made a mistake and that he wanted to come back but I said no, that I was happier without him, which was true. After (detail removed by moderator) apart though I gave in and took him back but things didn’t get better for a long time. Just recently he met another work colleague,(detail removed by moderator)(staying at a hotel) I don’t know if anything happened between them. They were exchanging emails as far as I know for work purposes and having a good laugh together. I said to him that I was worried that the same thing might happen as did last time and that I didn’t want him to be so friendly with her because of that and he told me to “stop trying to dictate what I do and who I talk to” and basically told me that it was nothing to do with me, adding “she’s got a boyfriend now anyway”. I didn’t say anymore about it because I’d be wasting my breath because he’d just ignore me or twist everything to make out it was all my fault anyway, but he did cool it with the emailing etc. as far as I know. (detail removed by moderator) we were having to share his mobile phone because my sim card wasn’t working and, trying to be helpful, I innocently re-arranged the icons on the home page so that he has quick access to the apps he uses the most. I thought he hadn’t done it himself because he hadn’t had time or didn’t know how. When I told him he nearly hit the roof and shouted “You what? Don’t you ever f****** touch my stuff again!” I was shocked and scared and he stayed angry, not speaking to me, all day. That’s a good example of how he treats me and things like this happen weekly. So now I’ve told him that I want to split up and he says that I’ll have to leave, not him. But I don’t want to leave my house and our dogs and my dad.The main reasons I’ve continued to stay with him are the dogs and my dad and the money he earns, there I’ve said it. I feel horrible saying that but it’s the stark honest truth.

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