Hi everyone,
I’m definitely new to all this, so here goes… I’m just so confused, I’ve spent years feeling pathetic and worthless with my partner. Given it’s a new year and all I just wanted to get it out. You all seem so wonderful and supportive and so strong here!
It’s maybe taken me so long to do anything because I have had emotional problems (mostly since I’ve been with him but we’ve been together for ages), depression and self harm, anxiety, I can’t concentrate and get distracted easily, so maybe I am hard to live with? And he’s not physically violent so it sometimes feels like just me being stupid, and sometimes he can be so nice and sweet and then all of a sudden I’m being yelled and sworn at because I’m not being 100% productive or I forgot some little thing, or if I didn’t do something the exact way he would have done it, or I want to spend some time with my hobbies which he tells me are worthless and a waste of time. Whenever I cry and I can’t even speak because I’m too afraid to say why in case it starts another fight, he just stares right through me like I’m not even there, it’s so horrible because I don’t understand how someone who apparently loves me can make me cry so often and feel so awful. I just don’t understand and I don’t know what to do, I’m just twitchy and walking on eggshells, in my current situation it would be super hard to leave him. Sorry for the long rant :/ I think I just needed to tell someone, I doubt any of our friends or relatives have a single clue what’s going on. Anyway, that’s me.

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