mixed-up mum

Hi Tinydancer – really sorry it has taken me so long to reply to you – I always like to take the time to reply to people, when they are good enough to message me – but somehow your message has ‘slipped through’ – so sorry about that.

I just seemed to ‘accept’ what he did was ‘normal’ – it went on for years before I finally saw this was NOT normal behaviour between a husband and wife. But by then FOR HIM it had become normal and I don’t think he could stop himself – or am I just making excuses……

He never actually used aggression on me and physically held me down an forced me – but his method was to ‘n****e’ away at me for hours and hours on end, until he would wear me down and I’d have no more strength to fend him off and I’d just ‘give in’ and ‘let’ him do what he wanted to me……or he would take my hand and force me to satisfy his needs and ‘relieve’ him.

Oh my God – saying all this just takes me right back there to those times he would do this – and I put up with it and lived with it for so many years…..

I should hate him with a passion – but you know what – I don’t have to energy to hate him – and if I let him eat away at me with anger and bitterness – then in a way he had won – you understand me???

I know what you mean, in the beginning, (before things got really bad) I did want him to hold me and cuddle me – but then it got to the stage after years of abuse, I could not bare to let him touch me or be near me – I could not look at him or talk to him in the end things became so bad……

And yes you are quite right they DON’T care whither you are ‘enjoying’ it or if you ‘want’ to do it – all they care is that THEIR wants and needs are satisfied.

Please feel free to chst again if you feel the need – I might not be much good at advice – but I can always listen.

Take care and thanks again for your message. x*x

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