I don’t feel I have any choice but to let him have her.. My head is such a mess I don’t even believe he is an abusive man I’m just weak and messed up. Not able to see the world from a normal perspective.. Not able to see things like normal people which leads to infuriating everyone around me. After our baby was born I was happy and felt content yet still I got things wrong and pushed him. I thought I at least was able to reflect on the things I got wrong and that eventually with help from the mental health team I would be able to behave like a normal person but that help hasn’t come fast enough and I’ve lost him. I know this is the wrong place to be posting this but I don’t know where els to turn. My love for my own baby is conditional… What sort of an evil person does that make me. I knew if I didn’t get him back- that I wouldn’t have been able to give birth to her and bond with her. And now he’s gone again all I can do is go with the motions, I’m ashamed but I feel nothing for her. I want him to take her (detail removed by Moderator).

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