Thank you for taking the time to read my posts and to recognize me from before.
Things are so so hard now. Last year I moved in temporarily with my parents after I had the brake down. I convinced myself and them that all the problems previously had been down to me and not because I was in an abisove relationship. I felt so sick that I’d ever considered it could be. I begged his forgiveness and promised I’d change. And now I’m left in a state of utter confusion. I believed myself to be less of a person, unable to think normally.. Second guessing everything that happened. I would constantly call my mum and ask her to mediate between us so that I could be sure I was making the rite choices.. But then he would be angry that our life was like the Jeremy Kyle show (his words). The thing is- I felt if I didn’t involve someone els, it would escalate and he’d leave me like he had in the past.. And I’d never understand why because I’d think my behavior was normal. I can reflect on things now and realize that in the past i probably took things too far and didn’t drop things when he’d maybe upset me.. And I should’ve just let it go. This was something I was learning to do but still it seems I was getting it wrong. This pattern of events it’s so new to me. Before he would leave and bombard me with messages of how I’ve destroyed his life, he’d either do this until I backed down and accepted it or he had a change of heart. But now there’s nothing from him at all and its me who’s sending all the messages… Am I the abuser??

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