mixed-up mum

Hi SaharaD – thank you for taking the time to reply to me – however I do struggle to follow what you mean sometimes – you are obviously way more educated than me and I do struggle to get what you mean at times – its really nice you take the time to reply, but I think you are way above me intellectually, you are on another level compared to me.

But I will read through what you have said and try and understand it…….

I thank you for taking the time to reply when no one else did – but I’m not sure you understood what I was saying either.

Please don’t think I’m being rude (I really don’t mean to be) but I honestly don’t feel vulnerable now, (but hey what do I know you could be right!!!!) I’m a couple of years out now and I feel ready, and want to move on – if I have a new man in my life I will feel less need to have any contact with my ex and he would also reduce the contact with me if someone else was ‘on the scene’.

Yes my self-esteem is low – but it had been that way all of my life – I have never had any confidence – not even in my school days – or when I was single (before I met and married my ex) so how now in my mid-forties will I ever get confidence, and boost my self-esteem?

Im always going to be a meek, timid, shy, quiet prrson and I’m just never going to be confident and out going – that’s just the person I am, we are all different.

I honestly feel if I had a new man in my life that would be the one thing that WOULD give me a confidence boost – to know that after all these years someone DID want me, and someone WAS interested in me – it would be the one thing that would make me feel ALIVE again.

I think your life is very different to mine – my current financial position means that I doubt if I can afford a chippy supper for my birthday – let alone a Spa day – and they only holiday I will be having is a few days with my sister ( who lives 200miles away from me) I have no money to treat myself, I have no money to spoil myself – a treat to me is to open a bottle of wine, and I haven’t done that in months, I can’t even remember the last time I did that.
I have a family, and bills to pay, and at the moment that has to take priority – there is no way I can treat myself or spoil myself in any way, my family has to come first, and keeping a roof over our heads and the electric on, and food in the cupboards.

I would find it very hard to have dates with different men like you are doing, to let then get as close as have a cuddle and a kiss and then not see them again – I could not do that.
What I want is one man, for companionship, and to bring some fun and laughter in to my life – someone who I can build up a relationship with before I can let them close enough to have a cuddle and a kiss.

You sound like you are a very confident person, when you say you “don’t expect family, friends or men to make you feel better” – that’s where we differ, I do need support and reassurance from family and friends – I’m not a strong person, I’m weak, and I do constantly need help and guidance from others in my life – its really good though that you have your life sorted, and are so strong and confident that you don’t need other people.

As for my male friend, no he had never actually invited me out to anything, he lives within 3miles of my village, and we meet in the local shop, or I bump in to him in the town on occasion, and I have had cause to be at his house and he asked me in for a coffee and we chatted for hours.
BUT it was then just as things were ‘getting going’ that his ex girlfriend came back on the scene – and as I said he is such a nice, kind, gentle man, that is is open to manipulation by women, and he had been used and badly hurt in the past.

At the moment all I’m ready for is companionship from him – and after what he had been through, I think that’s all he will be ready for too.
He has a son who he had custody of and his son is his priority too, as are my kids – so I’m not asking him to move in – no that kind of thing is not even in my mind at the moment.

I know him well enough to know he is not the kind of man who uses women and thows them away when someone better comes along, he took his girlfriend back as she had been living with them, and I genuinely believe he wanted it to work and he wanted to make a good of it, but she used him and let him down – as I said he’s such a nice man he’s open to manipulation by a certain kind of woman.

So I hope all that helps you understand me and my life a bit better, I hope I have explained things better to you.

As I said I think you and me are very different people, with very different lives.

But thank you once again for taking the time to read my post and to reply to me.

I wish you well.

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