Hi, BIG HUGS!!! I know exactly how you feel. The energy thing is striking. I am still struggling. My horror is over, but it took so long and I am drained. Just one thing: do not give up. It is so extremely hard to carry on. But you have to. I forced myself to study whilst I went through all the hellish situations after fleeing. I am glad I did that. I had so many breakdowns, but I tried to keep a smiling face and look normal on the outside, go to work and function.
There are only very few people who understand. Most of the time you feel alone and abandoned.
If you can, do nice things for yourself. I am so dead inside, but I force myself to go to the cinema, to go out for a meal, just to see different things sometimes. The world not only consists of this hell, although it feels like that. I lost the connection to myself, but I try to look after my body, to have a routine.
I also cut lots of contacts to people who were of no use to me, who frustrated me or tried to drag me down. And anyway, the trauma made me withdrawn and antisocial.
The years of abuse already drain us, the time after is endlessly terrible. This does something to our cortisol levels. They get drained, they become low. We begin to suffer from posttraumatic stress and also dissociate, if we have not done this already during the abuse. There is no medication to help this. It is not depression and/or anxiety. It is PTSD and dissociation. The flashbacks hit us, we are sleepless, maybe for the rest of our lives? If you can, meditate. I cannot meditate, until now. It is not for everybody. I can go to the gym sometimes. There is a male dummy. My goal is to beat this male dummy up until it bursts. So far I only watched the other girls beating and kicking it. My time will come ….
Hang in there. Nothing lasts forever, nothing ….

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