Ellen b, I know what you are talking about. I went through similar scenarios. It is called Stockholm Syndrome. You will need a while to recover from it. I read a lot of psychology now in order to understand what happened. These things go deep. They start in our childhood or even before. The police helped me too. Otherwise I would be six feet under by now.
Try to do the Freedom Programme. If it is too hard you just talk about it. Everyone will understand. The women there are all in the same boat. We are conditioned to tolerate abuse. There is a war on women in this world. The men try to keep us down. Did you know that in the beginning of human history women ruled? That is the greatest fear of men, that we become more powerful than them again. The court systems are all male dominated and let male abusers off the hook lightly.

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