mixed-up mum

Hi Foggy – that you so much one again for taking the time to read my post and reply again.

Oh I’m just a lost cause – Im the only one who can help myself ‘get a life’ but I can’t do that until I feel better about myself and until I feel better about myself and feel positive enough to make changes there is never going to be a better life – I’m trapped in this vicious circle………….

I have convinced myself I’m OK now – I’m ‘over it’ I’ve moved on, I’ve recovered – and maybe I haven’t – maybe I’m only OK on the surface – look a bit deeper and maybe that ‘wound’ is still there – maybe it’s NOT properly ‘healed’ yet?????

I’m just never going to be a confident and outgoing person – I believe you are either born confident or your not – and I just always going to be shy, quiet and lacking confidence……

I have never asked for nor received any help or support from my GP – as I said – I thought I was ‘over it’ now and didn’t ‘need’ any help……

I’m not ‘lonely as such – as I’m not alone – I have my teenage kids in the house. And my daughter is great company – but I just feel she deserves a life of her own too – she should not have to ‘babysit’ me – she should be off out with her friends too – I think it would be good for us to have ‘a life’ outside the house too – that she’s should go out with friends or a boyfriend and likewise so should I – every night of the week we sit here at the TV and I fall asleep – that’s how we spend every single night – she goes out on occasion with her pals – but me being the aga I am – I don’t go out.
My friends as I said are all 40+ and married with kids (mostly younger than mine are) and so they don’t really go out either – they are happily married or in long term relationships – I don’t have any single friends that I could go out with – or who would even come here to spend the evening with me……

Im just so scared to ask my friends again to come here for a girly night in – not after 2-3 knockbacks – I would only make me feel even worse if they refused my invite yet again…..

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