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Hey SA2020are you ok? What’s happened? Is there someone you could talk to? A family member or a friend. I realise of course that the last question is not easy for any of us living in this situation. I’m having a c**p day too, just lost the plot now, can’t see the point anymore, really would be better off …
I don’t want everything to be ok anymore I just want away from him. Only me stopping myself but now been blackmailed again, if I go I lose my job. Really don’t care anymore except that I e got nowhere to go. Even his mother stalking me on fbook now (detail removed by moderator). Why would you even do that? Problem is can’t talk now, I just shout and scream, listened to audio recordings of last night, I really have lost it. Stay strong lovely lady, keep talking 💕💕 -
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Total despair and it’s all my fault cos I couldn’t let him past me. I was talking to him about all the damage done to me and that it helps to talk about it but he dismissed it and wanted past but the state I’m in I feel I need to try get him to understand. He says it’s my fault what he’s done today cos I knew what would happen. He never fails. He has the best wife in the world and just ruins it. I was staying with him after everything in the hope that mental health service will fix him but my eyes are open now. Well kind of. My body hurts. I’m now in bed sobbing. I should have just let him walk away like the big baby that he is. He thinks I should tiptoe around him and ease his temper. It should be other way about. After last beating I couldn’t cope and punched my own head it was all too much. He mocked that (detail removed by moderator). He’s a coward and his time is coming.
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SA2020, I feel for you, I recognise all of this. You need to remember they don’t like their own faults to pointed out, hate criticism. You will never get the answers you want. You will never fix him, he doesn’t deserve you and you don’t deserve feeling this way.
I too have punched myself in head many times to point that it would cut and bleed. When I discussed this with my counsellor who I don’t see anymore, I was told it’s a form of stress relief( not a v productive one) I feel it’s more of punishment to myself for allowing these th8ngs and not being able to control my own life. Please don’t hurt yourself, he’s really not worth it. Mine just said I was mentally unstable, which I definitely am. Look after yourself and keep posting 💕-
Thank you ♥️ I’m a good person that would help anyone and I hardly ever say no to ppl asking favours. They all take advantage of that but I’m still proud I’m a good person with a good heart.
I just can’t cope and he knows I’m type of person if I have hurt in me, I feel need to hurt myself to get that hurt out. In a sad way im glad I’m not only one to do that. It makes me feel less of a psycho that he says I am. Sorry that you got to that point too. He is unrecognisable now. He truly was great husband months ago and got years before. No red flags, to none that I saw but he’s changed overnight now he’s not my husband.
I wish he understood how victims feel and think. Well I did wish until today cos i feel nothing just now apart from pain. I’m ok just gonna be bruises and that. 🥺😟
Thank you ♥️
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Of course you’re a good person, that’s why you recognise when his behaviour is wrong, because of the good, caring values that make you, you. I don’t like conflict and hurt and always strive to try and resolve things but of course it’s impossible and you end up feeling more hurt, more confused, trapped, like a burden and worthless.
Could you maybe go outside, read a book, get some fresh air and try and clear your head or will he hound you?
Mine had red flags from the start but I was so desperate to be truly loved, I ignored them. He has always been over the top, possessive and jealous of everything. I was stupid enough to think that I could handle it, fix it but I can’t. Don’t know who I am anymore. Feel like there is no future for me, I have no goals as they get smashed to pieces. No dreams of what I want to do. In all honesty if I survive each day it’s an achievement but actually I’m lost, in limbo and don’t know how to get out. I do know 100% I need to get out and away from him.
Take good care of yourself my lovely, it’s you that matters. Remember you owe yourself the love you freely give to others💕-
😟i wish I knew a way to help you. You have commented on my posts since I’ve joined. I used to think no way would I put up with this… Now I know I do. It’s not who I thought I was. We are in same boat. Getting thru each day is best we can do just now. I’ve actually been told plan for every 3hours. I can’t get it house cos he’s downstairs and I’m up. Scared to go down. I think we want them to change and fix them… Then we lose will to help them… Then concentrate on ourselves…. Then go…I can feel and see the stages since I have been coming here.
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You don’t need to help me, that’s something I have to do for myself. Something you need to do for yourself, I don’t know how – it’s easy to sit and judge someone but until you’ve been in that situation and experienced it, it’s a whole different story.
The fact you know you now put up with it but don’t want to is a start. Unfortunately it also brings feelings of hopelessness, anxiety, confusion, questioning yourself. I totally get you about not wanting to go downstairs, this sounds like my life so I stay upstairs to avoid. This results in being told he’s had to sit on his own, feel lonely. Well hello, I do too. I too am sat on my own feeling I have no way to turn. I just don’t have the energy to deal with it anymore- ends up in me screaming and shouting, he calling me names, making threats, being physical…everything I’m trying to avoid.
I don’t want to fix mine anymore, there is no future for us. What I would like is for him to recognise what he does. I’m not saying I’m perfect, I’m not but I try so hard. I thought about making a grid, say of about 28/30 days and record what happens so I can see the patterns repeating themselves even more clearly but then what? The only answer is to leave.💕 -
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Hi both, Sounds like you are having a horrible time. It is incredibly stressful living with them in this situation, it’s frightening.
I think we all have the hope that they we can change them and we try so hard. The sad truth is, you can show them video evidence or audio evidence, whatever you have but they still won’t see that they are the problem. They never will. Life is easier for them if they can abuse you because they don’t have to spend time and energy addressing their own problems. They can just take it all out on you.
Self harming does not mean you are a “psycho” – not in the least little bit. There are lots of reasons why people hurt themselves and sadly, it often doesn’t get better until the hurt on the inside starts to heal. To have your OH mock you for it is unforgivable.
I noticed that you are worried about leaving because it will make you homeless and jobless. Well tbh, that is me atm and it is a struggle. You have no anchor, no security, nowhere to make your own. In my case, I do have somewhere I can stay whilst I get back on my feet but I’m living out of a suitcase.
This is where your keyworker will come in handy. If you are a victim of domestic abuse, you should be able to get local authority housing. You can also get advice about job seekers allowance and other benefits from Citizens Advice. You can just phone and get a telephone appointment.
If you have reached the point where you just want to get out, it’s worth doing a bit of ground work to see what your options are. It is do-able and getting a bit of advice now, might help to reassure you. xx
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Thanks eggshells you are absolutely right. There really is no pleasing them, no reasoning,no empathy, nothing.
I’ve (detail removed by moderator) been to,d I’m a n*******t because I bought some flowers (detail removed by moderator). I’m a control freak apparently. Actually have learnt over years if I don’t organise things I get called out on this too.
I refuse to lose my job, it took (detail removed by moderator) of training and s*** to achieve it, there is no way he is taking that from me. Fortunately I have good employers who are aware of my situation but it doesn’t leave me wary of what he is capable of.
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