(detail removed by moderator) years a ‘survivor’?

Do not go back. Things will get better if you stay out and worse if you go back. It must be incredibly difficult having to have so much contact with him. Have you had any legal advice about separating your financial life? Glad you have managed to quit at least one of your joint ventures. Although I am sorry it had to come to that. The things we lose when we leave seem very unfair. But I promise you that a couple of years out and they will all seem a small price to pay.

I lost my home and my job, as well as cancelling my wedding and giving him most of my savings. I had to move hundreds of miles away and live with my parents. And I have no regrets. It was worth it to be rid of him.

Get through the upcoming event. Keep yourself safe and never allow yourself to be alone with him. If you can’t do that the cancel it. It’s ok to cancel it. It’s his fault not yours. Then gather your strength and get advice about what to do with the business side of things.

You can do it. You have the strength. In the meantime, look after yourself.

Hi well done fir leaving him, that is huge.
Smoking w..d is not causing stress with the house, being in, leaving an abusive relationship and taking the time to heal is what’s the “problem”. Your brain shuts down trauma, when it knows you’re stronger to deal with the memories that’s when they start surfacing, usually in the form of nightmares or flashbacks. Sadly those who’ve not been abused don’t get it, so they’ll blame what they can understand,in your case smoking w..d.
Keep doing what you’re doing, keep putting one foot in front of the other. If you feel overwhelmed, step back from the situation. Remember self love and self care, it’s paramount to our healing process.
Best wishes IWMB 💞💞

No problem, we’re the only ones who get it at the end of the day. My two children both smoke, I’ve seen what it’s done to them, their dad condoned it, I was never interested, but will never judge. I’ve been or jyst over 6 months now. I woke one morning and acknowledged that my husband abused me, mentally, physically financially and sexually. The last part is so hard to get my head around, he didn’t physically force me to have sex, oh no it was much more subtle than that. The usual remarks of I’m not getting it someone else must be, I’m your husband, you’re my wife I can touch you anytime I want. If you loved me you’d do xyz.trauma bonding is very hard to untangle but I’m doing it baby step by baby step. I see him less and less, we have dogs, thankfully no children together. I planned leaving with the help of my local WA,it wasn’t until I said okay I’m ready to go that they pulled all the stops out. I’d got all our joint paperwork copied or have originals, I threw out or took things to charity shops. I stored things at my parents. I planned everything down to the last detail, I had and still have no intention of going back to him. Some major events happened prior to me leaving. I found my enough is enough moment, didn’t think I ever would. Once he crossed that line, that was us done. If he hadn’t came into my dads I would probably be further down the line to healing from him, but he did, and I felt I had no choice but to talk to him. He’s promised that he’ll change, or he’s changed, but he hasn’t. Went to counselling, which I knew wouldn’t work, he’s threatened, accused me of seeing other people, he’s played the poor me card, used a condition he had to emotionally blackmail me, threatened suicide, hit others to contact me cos they’re worried about him, you name it he’s tried it. He’s back to indifference now, from begging me to return that he needs me to now saying he doesn’t, he’s moving away. Its endless and not once have I wavered, all its fine is strengthen my resolve and show me I’ve made the right decision. I smile now, sometimes I catch myself just sitting with a smile playing on my lips,before I’d be accused of thinking of someone else. I really don’t remember the last time I just smiled fir no reason other than I’m happy with how my life is. It’s for getting better day by day. I have long term health issues but the pain levels have reduced significantly. Only flare up when he starts or I’ve tried to do to much because I’m not in the same level of pain. So the benefits to our physical health improves as does our mental health AND I’ve got money in my purse all the time now. Might not be a great amount but I’m not worrying about how I’m going to pay my bills now.
Keep posting, keep learning, knowledge is power. There’s ah good book by Lundy Bancroft called why does he do that and another living with the dominator by pat Evans (I’m positive that’s her last nane) give them a look, I’ve got mine on my phone via kindle.
Good luck with cutting down and stopping. Dont be too hard on yourself and practice self love. Eat healthily, drink plenty of water, exercise, bubble bath with loads of body cream afterwards, light some candles. Parent yourself, find something to hug, cat,dog,cushion,cuddly toy. Anything that makes you feel nurtured.
Best wishes IWMB 💞💞