18th March 2021 at 10:31 am #123457mintyParticipant
Its been a long battle, I left my alcoholic and mentally abusive partner. This was the best move I ever made. I have struggled, In (removed by moderator) I was going to end my life, I was at rock bottom. I’m glad I didn’t reach for the bottle myself but I think I knew deep down that alcohol is a depressant and wouldn’t help. I eventually reached out to a counsellor, I had four sessions with him and he taught me relaxation and a host of other things. It helped but I think you have to have a strong mind too. He told me to talk to my friends and not keep things bottled up. One of the best things I did, my friends didn’t know how I was feeling (how could they) they were so supportive after that and was a good feeling, inclusion after feeling excluded for a long time.
Moving on throughout the months I have found myself seeking out men. I find I need to feel desirable, I feel lonely and want to be loved and I think and I’m sleeping with men to get that. I know its not the way but I cant seem to help it. I’m left feeling empty and ashamed at times.
Will this battle to get some peace or be at peace with myself ever come? Maybe I need to see the counsellor again. Being mentally abused has taken its toll on me.
22nd March 2021 at 12:43 am #123653fizzylemParticipant
Hi Minty, good to read the counselling has helped, sounds like you made a good start. Healing comes from all sorts of people and places and takes a while for sure. I’m several years out now and have had several courses of talking therapy. Finding ‘what helps’ and building a strong support network is key. It sounds like you are yet to learn what are your needs and how to meet these to me; so look to others, look to these men to try and fix something in you. Doesn’t work does it. I think some more counselling would be good.
Sorry to read you’re feeling the way you are, your self worth sounds none existant atm, and that maybe until you feel strong enough and content being you – you will be vulnerable to abusive men and partners.
Boundaries are so important, they protect us. I read a good post earlier by Darcy, in general discussion, her post is titled ‘Boundaries’, perhaps have a read of this – think it might help, it might steer you in the right direction.
Learning to stand on our own sets up in the best way to form relationships with others.
22nd March 2021 at 1:54 pm #123673DarcyParticipant
Hi my beautiful Angel … Minty,
I agree with fizzylem’s post. This is about you building and knowing your self worth.
You are sleeping with these men to get approval which is short lived and then it becomes a repeated cycle. It’s like pouring water into an empty bucket, once you have slept with these men, you need to do it again to top the bucket back up, but it never stays full. I have been there so I understand, there also becomes a lot of shame attached to this kind of behaviour.
What you are looking for in these men is what you are lacking in yourself and you will never feel truly content and complete until you except and love yourself first.
When you begin to practice self love you begin to strengthen your boundaries and put limitations on what you are willing and not willing to accept. A person who loves themselves has standards and requirements before entering into a relationship, romantic or otherwise. Without these we can get lead in all kinds of directions.
I strongly recommend you to read or listen to Louise Hay, You Can Heal You Life, or google any of her work.
Love starts with self … this takes work and a daily practice especially for woman who have been abused, but it can be achieved which will lead to a loving and for filling relationship with yourself and with others.
Sending you love and support
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