This topic contains 7 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by  gettingtired 2 weeks, 4 days ago.

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  • #114431
     Done-with-this 
    Participant

    Does anyone else see 2 sides to their partner – public and private?
    When we’re out he is the life and soul – joking, chatty, generous and loving but as soon as it’s just me and him
    He turns – name calling, saying I behave inappropriately when we’re out, flirting with other men, ignoring him etc.
    Someone else witnessed it and couldn’t believe it. 😤

  • #114434
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Jeckyl and Hyde. Very typical behaviour from an abuser. Read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven. This behaviour is controlled and deliberate. He waits till there are no witnesses because he knows it’s wrong. He won’t change and abuse always gets worse. Try contacting your local women’s aid x

  • #114435
     veryconfused 
    Participant

    My husband is exactly like this. He has even accused me of flirting with the Tesco delivery man and my banking advisor and work colleagues on the phone.
    He can be so charming in front of other people, my mum thinks he is lovely although my best friend has seen the other side.

    One thing that I have recently realised is I think that the reason he has been generous at Xmas the last (detail removed by Moderator) years is we’ve spent them with family. So gifts have been seen by family members. There have been many birthdays where he hasn’t even got me a card and has said he couldn’t be bothered to get anything because it’s too much effort. For some reason I find the missing birthdays very hurtful.

  • #114440
     PuDdleJam 
    Participant

    My partner is exactly the same but sometimes does it sly in public as well. He seems to think that certain songs or what some people are saying are very relatable and calls me vulnerable if I ever speak to anyone about anything.

  • #114446
     Insignia11 
    Participant

    I have a Jekyll and Hyde relationship also. Two sides people only see the happy confident everyone’s friend and I get the moods, sulks, belittling etc. It really gets me down espec the nit picking x

    • #114480
       TinkaBella 
      Participant

      I totally agree with the nit picking. It can be done sometimes in such a lighthearted way that you question whether you should feel offended, but when it is over every tiny little thing it really gets you down to the point you can’t do anything right…or he is always right & you are wrong, or even though you may have both done something it is completely your fault. It becomes exhausting and draining. You question everything but that is exactly what they want!

  • #114950
     LonelyAs 
    Participant

    Your not alone. My parnter is the same. I know what you mean. When we gwt home hes changes to. Has a go at all the things ive said. Then go on to say i shouldnt have said something. How theyd be all laughing at me for saying it. Sometimes he doesnt wait to get home and gives me what i call the death look. It says how dare you say it. he does accuse me alot when i talk to people. Like (detail removed by moderator). Say you both getting chatting, he chatting you up, think your in there, you got yourself a new boyfriend, think he fancies you.

    I hate birthdays or any special occasion. Finds a way to ruin it for us all.

    Stay strong your not alone X

  • #114966
     gettingtired 
    Participant

    Yes mine has two sides to him as well. At worst he can act totally normal/cheerful to others then secretly give me ‘the look’ which puts you in total fear mode for what’s to come. Horrible, just horrible.
    He is also disgusted with abusive men he hears about or men who may put women down in public. The irony x

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