(detail removed by moderator) years in & my life just fell apart

It’s been just over (detail removed by moderator) yrs since I left my ex. He was a n********t – if been with him almost (detail removed by moderator)yrs before I got out. I thought I’d had a lucky escape as it seems I’m the only one on his long list of victims that he didn’t hit – but he had destroyed all my self confidence, completely isolated me and had pretty much broken me.

It’s taken time but I really thought I had finally come to a point where things were good. I have four children (thankfully not his), and although it’s bern really tough as two have additional needs and I get no support from anyone – but I’ve been managing and just getting on with things.

My (detail removed by moderator)yr old boy has been struggling a lot more recently, his anxiety is high and behaviour
has been getting a lot worse with violent outbursts towards me.
He feels really bad after and you can see how much he regrets it – but seems to have little control over his emotions or his anger.
He’s now under camhs and were starting family therapy, but yesterday he finally opened up about what’s going on for him – and it’s broken me.

He says that when I was with my ex, anytime I wasn’t home – my ex would be ‘different’ with him. When I asked what he meant by that – he told me he would call my son names, ignore him, send him to his room – and that he kicked him on a couple of occasions giving my son a dead leg. He said he never told me at the time because he was scared that if my ex knew he’d told me that he would’ve done it again!!

I’m absolutely devastated, my poor little baby, he must have been so scared and no wonder he’s so angry all the time!! He’s been keeping this in all this time and never spoke about it until now.

I can’t explain how I feel, I feel so angry! I hate that ‘man’ – even more so now knowing what he did to my boy, the police and social services now know as I’ve told them – but no doubt they’ll do nothing about it because that bloke just gets away with it all over and over again.

I just wish I could make this all ok for my son, I feel like I’ve completely failed him – I’m his mum and my job is to protect him – yet I failed, I let that monster into my home. I trusted him with my children – and he hurt them!

I’m trying to put on a brave face for my son and support him as much as I can – yet inside I’m broken.

I’m trying everything I can not to go to where that evil 🤬 is and do something I know I’ll end up in trouble for. I just can’t handle this, I don’t know what to do anymore or where to turn