17th November 2021 at 8:48 pm #134168
Hi , so sorry to keep posting, I have been overwhelmed with the fantastic support from the forum l. I have now been 3 days without contact. Feels tough this evening. I worked late but feel sad now I’m back home. Keep picturing the mean look on his face last weekend and that is helping! I have taken on board all the suggestions, just having a bit of a wobble.
17th November 2021 at 8:59 pm #134169Wants To HelpParticipant
Well done, I know it’s so hard at this stage. It’s human nature for us to want to know if they actually have any feelings, whether they are actually bothered that we’ve left them or not, whether this break up has actually had any impact on them or not, or did they never really give a s**t about us at all!
However, us getting the answers to these questions one way or another is NEVER going to help us as it will just make us feel guilty, or even worse. It really is best not to know. That’s why NO CONTACT is always recommended as the best way to move on, we really need to shift our focus away from them and on to ourselves.
Posting on here instead of messaging him is the right thing to do. So how about going to have a hot bath and off to bed, or watch a romcom, or dig out a book you’ve been meaning to read but never found the time?
3 days and counting… soon it will be a whole week 🙂
17th November 2021 at 9:49 pm #134183
Thank you, you are so right. I have been wondering all of those things. My target is to get to my next counselling appointment with having made no contact. (removed by moderator) days to go!
17th November 2021 at 9:56 pm #134185nbumblebeeParticipant
How amazing are you a huge huge well done. Ive spent the night listening to him moaning complaining and making me feel pants so as hard as it must be i think youve got to keep reminding yourself of how it was with him that horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach that worry that waiting for things to kick off.
Remember that sweetie. 3 days then 4, 5 then a week then those 9 then up and up you go.
I think you are amazing keep going xxxx
17th November 2021 at 10:18 pm #134186FeelinglikeafoolParticipant
Let’s help each other! I did nearly two weeks no contact, then caved, now starting all over again. Stick at it, they don’t change and it just hurts more every time. You can do this xx
18th November 2021 at 12:02 am #134196
Thank you for your support nbumblebee, I know that feeling well. It’s something that I will never forget. That sense of tension was always with me. Even in the good spells I would be tense, wondering how long the good spell would last xx
Thank you feelinglikafool. Yes let’s help each other. Two weeks shows great strength I hope I can get there. You have done that once so you can do it again. You are right, they never change, and from my experience each time I’ve gone back he has been even worse towards me. Let’s help each other to stay strong xx
18th November 2021 at 8:48 am #134199EyesopeningParticipant
well done you!
I remember feeling generally scared during the first days, I remember reading on Why does he do that. No contact is hard because your so used to checking on his mood to see if things are ok or not. So when you can’t check on him it’s difficult, we were so governed by them. I remember feeling unsafe in general thinking that he must be so angry that I am ignoring him and not doing as he wished.
Just incase this happens, so you know it’s normal and passes with time.
18th November 2021 at 6:02 pm #134233
Eyesopening, thank you. Today is a tough day. Early evenings are worse as this is the time he would actually speak to me. I have reached out to a few of my friends now and getting some support from them. I don’t know how you felt but reaching out is difficult in itself. The shame and embarrassment that I feel and the fear of not being believed. It is difficult to understand what we have all gone through if you haven’t experienced DA. I am also fearful of what he might do next. Every time I think there’s a limit he surprises me. So far he has been silent. Xx
18th November 2021 at 6:49 pm #134236EggshellsParticipant
I hope he stays silent. You are doing so well.
Please don’t feel awkward about reaching out for help. If your positions were switched, I am sure that you would be really keen to help a friend. Your true friends will feel the same about helping you. They’ll be glad that they can do something and that they are not having to just stand by helplessly whilst you are struggling. xx
20th November 2021 at 11:50 pm #134354AurielParticipant
Scared and sad, break ups are hard enough but ending abusive ones are on another level due to trauma bonds so seriously well done, it can almost seem like a drug addiction and you just want to stop the pain, I wish I’d had this forum when I was going through mine (but I didn’t even know it was abuse due to family training) if you ever feel wobbly just keep posting, it does sound like your doing really well, keep it up and 🥂 to breaking the cycle 💝🤗💝
21st November 2021 at 12:15 am #134356
Thank you Ariel, I’m having a really tough weekend. The forum has helped tremendously. but I’m hurting a lot right now xx
21st November 2021 at 10:36 am #134372AurielParticipant
It will, in the long term the results will be worth it though 🤗🤗🤗
21st November 2021 at 11:19 am #134373EyesopeningParticipant
I understand how you are feeling, i was there not so long ago. It gets better, it really does. You know what helped me soooo much?
Listening to Harry Potter on audible. Its been my best comfort and support those hard days, i just curled up and listened. Try any book you know you find comforting.
forgetting everything else, my mind switched off and i got through the days like that.
Be so good to yourself, i kind of felt like i was a baby again, like i was being born again, treat yourself as preciously as you would a child. Kind, caring words and actions, make sure your warm and comfortable, eating well and sleeping well. Just really stick to the basics now x*x
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