Tagged: hope
- This topic has 6 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 2 months ago by Reeds-not-oaks.
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13th September 2017 at 7:05 pm #47345Reeds-not-oaksParticipant
Hi Ladies!
It’s been so long, I’m sorry but some of you will know that at times recovery needs solitude/absence.
Well what brought me here was a second abusive relationship, including rape. My Lord what a ride it’s been. The early days were either automatic responding to situations or terror. Others were miserable. The confusion loss and pain. Oh the suffering was unspeakable.
If you are still there you get my salute and my love!
(detail removed by Moderator) months in a hotel, a year shut away, (I was too scared to leave my home for that time) then treatment. Which really works like onion peeling. Lots of layers, some you chuck, lots of tears but tastes good when you make something new and better!
My harassment stopped after just over (detail removed by Moderator). I learnt not to see or feel it as powerful. Like a dog on a chain. It barks, you remember a previous bite, but it doesn’t really have any bite anymore in your head. 🙂
During my progress my covert n**********c first abusive ex decided to try to get me sectioned. Sounds fantastic but nope after all this time his vengeance really doesn’t stop. The sad thing is still not many want to believe another human being is so determined fractured and bitter.
Except this time he went too far. Pushed my adult child into psychosis. Where she eventually got the help she needed. The trigger was my giving a speech for women’s aid and Facebook. My child was proud and posted the pic. He couldn’t take it.
But I held my line. My interpersonal boundaries are now tight like a drum ;-). Firm like iron. Doesn’t mean I don’t feel stress or wobble. My PTSD manifests infrequently as contained rage. But what’s great is I know why, what it is and what to do to look after me, authentically. Nobody else gives me what I need. I choose. If I need a PJ day I take it. But I get back on with my life the way I want for me and those I love.(I recommend choccie gateau for those days.)
But what’s amazing is that my child who had been manipulated for years sees it too. This is marked contrast to years of blame and anger. Disbelief from some professionals and collusion from others.
His calculated actions lies and victimhood are seen what they are. In short the emperor has got no clothes.
I’m not gloating, I feel vindicated and sad it’s taken so long. There’s has been such trauma…
But it is what makes me know I’m strong. I survived. I prevail.
I’m single, it’s been (detail removed by Moderator) years, but I don’t think about the pain (of rape). I’m not searching, but I’m open to a good man and I know when it’s right. we’ll catch each other.
I take pleasure in the little things, my work and pals. I choose peace.
So, I hope this gives you hope, I beg you, don’t give up. Don’t listen to the lies. Don’t doubt what you feel. You’re worthy of everything you want, even if circumstances have made you temporarily forget.
You see, miracles happen, it just takes time.
I’m with you.
Reeds-not-oaks.
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13th September 2017 at 7:23 pm #47349KIP.Participant
Well done. I was (detail removed by Moderator) years from the first rape till the last. Im a slow learner lol. But im free now x i cant wait for the day my son and step daughter see right through his mask and kick him out their lives x
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13th September 2017 at 7:36 pm #47350lover of no contactParticipant
Wonderful post Reeds, perfect for inspiring hope and strength and a wonderful tribute to a thriving life after abuse. So glad you shared this with us. Please stay around a bit longer if you can and post as it sounds as past abuse has failed to dominate your thoughts and your life which is fantastic. I love your analogy of ‘our past abuse’ being like a dog on a chain. It barks and you remember a previous bite but it has no power any more to bite you.
And I love that you say you choose…and if you need a pj day you take it. No one dictating what you do or don’t do anymore, isn’t it great.
Fabulous that your daughter can see the reality of what he’s like. Its true it does take time. It reminds me that nothing is stronger than the truth. Our abuser’s create a façade. But when we are forced to face the reality of their behaviour (it took him to escalate for me to see it) maybe with time others’ have a chance at seeing it. Us getting well (with No Contact with abuser) can their abuse and crazy-making behaviour more apparent imo.
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13th September 2017 at 7:39 pm #47352Reeds-not-oaksParticipant
Hi KIP
It’s been an age. Nice to see an old face 🙂
My lovely I hope you get what you want. Stay hopeful x
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13th September 2017 at 7:54 pm #47355Reeds-not-oaksParticipant
Hi LONC
Fabulous to see another old timer. Such kind comments.
I didn’t know what a n********t was, let alone a covert! It’s certainly been an education.
But You know I realised I was always well. My reactions were a normal response to crazy behaviour. I was always right about his behaviour. But the world didn’t want to see. To be fair he didn’t make it easy st times. I also needed help to learn not to react in certain situations. B****y hard but not impossible, with support.
Not reacting leaves the network with just a man making drama 😉
Luckily, time (and truth as you say), really does help.
Take care
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15th September 2017 at 1:31 pm #47448AyannaParticipant
Congratulations on remaining so strong and getting rid of him for good!
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15th September 2017 at 4:22 pm #47459Reeds-not-oaksParticipant
Thank you Ayanna.
Strength is such a funny word. In the world people think it’s being an oak sturdy unmoved. I think strength is like a reed. It’s still delicate but it bends and recovers.
All the best with wherever you are in this profound process.
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