** years but we got there

Hi Ladies!

It’s been so long, I’m sorry but some of you will know that at times recovery needs solitude/absence.

Well what brought me here was a second abusive relationship, including rape. My Lord what a ride it’s been. The early days were either automatic responding to situations or terror. Others were miserable. The confusion loss and pain. Oh the suffering was unspeakable.

If you are still there you get my salute and my love!

(detail removed by Moderator) months in a hotel, a year shut away, (I was too scared to leave my home for that time) then treatment. Which really works like onion peeling. Lots of layers, some you chuck, lots of tears but tastes good when you make something new and better!

My harassment stopped after just over (detail removed by Moderator). I learnt not to see or feel it as powerful. Like a dog on a chain. It barks, you remember a previous bite, but it doesn’t really have any bite anymore in your head. 🙂

During my progress my covert n**********c first abusive ex decided to try to get me sectioned. Sounds fantastic but nope after all this time his vengeance really doesn’t stop. The sad thing is still not many want to believe another human being is so determined fractured and bitter.

Except this time he went too far. Pushed my adult child into psychosis. Where she eventually got the help she needed. The trigger was my giving a speech for women’s aid and Facebook. My child was proud and posted the pic. He couldn’t take it.

But I held my line. My interpersonal boundaries are now tight like a drum ;-). Firm like iron. Doesn’t mean I don’t feel stress or wobble. My PTSD manifests infrequently as contained rage. But what’s great is I know why, what it is and what to do to look after me, authentically. Nobody else gives me what I need. I choose. If I need a PJ day I take it. But I get back on with my life the way I want for me and those I love.(I recommend choccie gateau for those days.)

But what’s amazing is that my child who had been manipulated for years sees it too. This is marked contrast to years of blame and anger. Disbelief from some professionals and collusion from others.

His calculated actions lies and victimhood are seen what they are. In short the emperor has got no clothes.

I’m not gloating, I feel vindicated and sad it’s taken so long. There’s has been such trauma…

But it is what makes me know I’m strong. I survived. I prevail.

I’m single, it’s been (detail removed by Moderator) years, but I don’t think about the pain (of rape). I’m not searching, but I’m open to a good man and I know when it’s right. we’ll catch each other.

I take pleasure in the little things, my work and pals. I choose peace.

So, I hope this gives you hope, I beg you, don’t give up. Don’t listen to the lies. Don’t doubt what you feel. You’re worthy of everything you want, even if circumstances have made you temporarily forget.

You see, miracles happen, it just takes time.

I’m with you.

Reeds-not-oaks.