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    • #121182
      True2myself
      Participant

      I feel guilty 😭

      Spoken to officials and now I feel guilty. I’m 😭😭😭
      He didn’t care about my 😭 so why am I feeling heavy guilty

    • #121185
      KIP.
      Participant

      Abusers use guilt as a tool to control us. I felt guilty for a long time but you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. We have been brainwashed and programmed by them to feel guilt and to carry their guilt for them. Please don’t carry his guilt because then he won’t have to. It’s a really difficult things to do, to talk about the abuse. We have kept this dreadful secret for so long so it will feel like a betrayal but it isn’t. It’s our brain playing tricks to protect our abuser. Victims can spend a lifetime protecting their abusers but no more. Just take baby steps and be kind to yourself, if you could have stopped his abuse yourself then there would be no need to talk to agencies. You gave him chance after chance and he simply doesn’t want to stop the abuse and he never will. Time to look after yourself because he won’t x

      • #121196
        True2myself
        Participant

        Thank you, dunno what came over me. Ok one minute and in tears the next. Then this morning he asked me some questions about police and I thought.. you really don’t care about me. If I went to them I have a right. Because I love him he doesn’t see why I’d go. Cos they will take him away and I don’t have him to love.. But I can’t turn I love him off after so long. I can love him but still want justice and loving him doesn’t mean I want him. I hope this makes sense cos by now I’ve even confused myself

    • #121186
      Watersprite
      Participant

      Ahhhh please please don’t feel guilty he is the one to carry the guilt – bet he never does even through the abuse they simply project it on to us and we carry it for them. Guilt is common for me too after I report and then he does something terrible again or I remind myself of just how horrific he has behaved and Im able to throw it off again. He chose to do this. You have protected yourself and others. Big hugs and feel proud of your bravery and how far you have come x

      • #121197
        True2myself
        Participant

        Thank you so much. I hate to say this but I’m glad I’m not the only one..I feel this way alot. Happy someone understand but so sad too cos I’d hate others to feel this.
        My emotions just overwhelmed me to the max. I still feel loyal I guess but I understand I shouldn’t. I need to do what I’m doing.

    • #121198
      KIP.
      Participant

      Love doesn’t hurt us and no amount of loving him will stop him abusing you. I started out loving him but it became a trauma bond which is far more addictive, more powerful and more deadly for us. You need to be safe and healthy and fulfilled mentally and physically and you have every right to be safe in your own home. Time to put yourself first x

      • #121200
        True2myself
        Participant

        Do I have trauma bond? If so how do I stop it. He’s always here. I agree I’m at state now even though I feel guilty I know I have to go through with it

    • #121201
      Watersprite
      Participant

      So now you have spoken up support will be on the way tell them fully what has been going on. Keep your phone with you and don’t tell him anything about your plans. Ending things is the most dangerous time as it’s all about control and he will see that slipping. The only way to break this bond is no contact time and educating and empowering yourself. X*x

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