a day of sad confusion

[Swan123]

It’s been a month or so since I got ‘free’…but I recognise I am not free in so many ways.There is a sadness with that. I feel sad, lost in a sense of grief that everything I thought, perhaps even the ‘good’ was just a mirage. I have spent most of my life with him. I watched some drama on tv and I couldn’t stop crying for all the sadness that right now, I cannot foresee a happy ever after…or a ‘happy’ for me…despite my freedom.I feel like I sound ungrateful, but I just feel that cognitive dissonance…that trapped between what I tell myself and what has been reality…I’m exhausted. I just have nobody to share this with, because I am too tired to speak and too confused to make sense of it…but I know so many of you in here will understand that feeling I talk of.

I just needed a space to share that…I don’t know what I am even expecting to hear other than what I think I know.

[KIP.]

It’s going to take time but I promise one day it will all make sense and he will just be a distant bad memory. Meantime just let the waves of emotions wash over you and be kind to yourself. The trauma bond is strong but not unbreakable. If you can then try to do some things that bring calm, and joy. Keep a journal and remember that we are everything without them, they are nothing without us x

[Weemebreeze]

You’re doing so well, be kind to yourself and take one day at a time. It will get easier, it will take a bit of time. The grief is really hard to process, even though the relationship was abusive – that’s the bit I found so confusing to get my head round. I found the loss cycle diagram on the Relate website quite helpful – to plot where you are each day and see that some days it’s one step forward and others it’s two days back but that overall you’re on the right path and making great progress, as hard as it is though x

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