30th August 2019 at 11:20 pm #86837ScalesfellParticipant
hello, I havnt been on here for months, months and months really, but i felt that i needed to share something positive. I have been saying to myself for months i need to post, pay back a little of what was given to me…. I cant say how much this site helped me, between this and my councillor it saved me really….;
I got out a while ago..not too long, but long enough for me to see how far ive travelled… it was hard, harder than anything i have ever done in my life. Hard to leave, hard for the kids. so hard. upsetting is not the word, it was devastating, heart breaking, crying on the floor at midnight sobbing hard, just to prepare you. it is not easy.. just hurt for such a long time. Its still hard, im not going to gloss over that, BUT BUT BUT…it WAS it worth it…….YES it most certainly was. We have whole weeks, months now without crying! whole blisfull weeks of fun and jsut love and amazingness. Oh god life is so good!!
I was there, wondering, is it the right thing to do. Am I going to ruin the kids lives, am I going to ruin my life…. I cant say I wake up every morning and say this is the life I chose. its not, and I do spend an unhealthy amount of time lamenting that my chosen life was taken from me(I want my x many years back for god sake!!!…. yet, I have some kind of peace, some chance of a life. I can think, and FEEL, and my life is my own…nearly! It will never be my own with children involved, in my case there will always be the ‘ex’ looming, but however much he goads and snipes and sabbotages…its not my sh*t to deal with anymore. My mind is my own, and thats the best thing I have. I never trash him infront of the kids, but I wont be trashed myself, my kids know I will never lie to them, and I dont, we have some hard converstations, but I think its important they know that every word out of my mouth is truth(my ex said I lied, and told the chidlren i lied, affairs etc, not true, what a sh!t they are only babes!!). BUT…I can really think for myself for the first time in so many years, and you know, there is power in that. Power to battle you against anything they throw at you, because if youre in a war, which you are, you dont think straight. Once your free, and you can sleep, and think, and have calm, you somehow get your B4lls back. If your wavering. if you wondering if its right. do it. do it for you. do it for your children. do it for every other woman that is going through this. it really does get better, it can be right. talk to everyone, accept help, tell your story, cry, rage(not infront of the children, but every other oppertunity!!), make friends, cry again, scream, but just do it. LEAVE. extracate yourself, be free. I can not tell you how much of a different person I am, I AM ME, and let me tell you, im rubbish, and not perfect, and flawed and not amazing, well i am a bit, because we all are, the most important thing is…. IM ME, im not what he thinks i should be, or what he tells me i am, or what i think he thinks i should be… and do you know, i didnt even know I wasnt me while i was with him. If someone makes you cry, shamed, belittled, worthless, you cannot stay. dont question, dont delay, act. I needed to post this, because this site helped me so much when i was thinking of leaving and also after I left.
We are so strong, we have so much resliance, it should be celebrated. You will look back like me, you will re read your diaries, you will look at what he says now, and think….how was i fooled, why did i stay for so long! I promise you, its hard, but it is so worth it. i could never go back. ever. and to think i was going to stay, I go cold thinking about it. life can be good without them. It can be amazing, (it can be hard, get ready for that), but if I can do it…anyone can. Im here if anyone needs me. You were all there for me. and it helped. it worked, and I will really never be able to repay that. you did actually save my life, not in the literal sense, but you saved a life from being wasted …living a monotony of lies, degredation, submission, and pain. Im not religious, but bless you all, because that means something to us all religous or not, and I need to say thank you. Feel free. feel alive, and for god sake, be free!. x
31st August 2019 at 1:43 am #86846IwantmebackParticipant
Hi there, I too am like you and it’s wonderful isn’t it. I’ve recently just started reposting too. Found the forum quite triggering for a while so took a breather for a while. But I’m feeling a lot stronger and felt I needed to be back on to help others still. My life is so busy now, my diary is packed every day!!! life is more than good but yes there are times when I just want it all to stop go back to my life in the hope that he’d have learnt his lesson but you and I both know as do many many others who have left, that that is just a dream certainly with our ex’s. So the very best wishes to you and your babies, look out for each other love laugh and live life to the fullest, life truly is your oyster.
31st August 2019 at 9:13 am #86852LisaMain Moderator
I just wanted to show you some support and thank you for sharing your story for other survivors. It is amazing that you have been so brave through such a difficult time. You really do deserve to be happy and now you can focus on a positive future with your children.
Take care and keep posting
31st August 2019 at 11:21 am #86863lover of no contactParticipant
Thankyou so much for your post. Every single word you’ve said I agree with, is so true; (you put it so well) I feel the same about leaving my ex. It’s goid to acknowledge how very hard it is to do and after.. but it’s so worth it. It’s worth all the pain and detoxing from having them in our lives.
Well done to you; if you’re feeling so well in yourself how much better must your children be feeling. You’ve given them and yourself the greatest gift by getting out of the abusive relationship. It’s so true u can’t have any real, sustained fun, lightness or humour when in a relationship with an abuser.
31st August 2019 at 1:58 pm #86876JustKeepSingingParticipant
Thank you for this. I’m in the middle of the process right now and I’m struggling.
I’ve left and we are staying with family but I don’t feel safe, I feel like I’m looking over my shoulder the whole time, my stomach is tied in a constant huge knot of anxiety and stress. Food tastes like cardboard – I force it down so I’ve got the energy to looks after my kids but I would prefer if I didn’t have to eat.
I feel like my thoughts never stop and it’s exhausting. The worst thing of all? I miss him – even though I know I shouldn’t. And I’m worried about him and I still care what he thinks about me.
I can’t see the other side at the moment. I feel stuck – we’ve left and everyone keeps telling me how brave that is but I don’t feel brave. I feel stuck. I feel lonely. I feel like everything is a struggle.
Thank you for showing me the glimmer of hope / that maybe if you got out and are doing ok maybe I can too.
31st August 2019 at 2:19 pm #86879RainbowcloudParticipant
Well done I admire you it’s such a hard thing to do I’m glad you got the courage. You have given me hope one day I might be out of my situation too.
7th September 2019 at 11:13 am #87504GetmylifebackParticipant
Thank you fur your post it gives some hope. I’m only a couple of no the in and my god life is seriously tough at the moment. I keep thinking ..this time next year….
7th September 2019 at 11:23 am #87505EscapeeParticipant
Thank you so much for the light at the end of the tunnel.
I’ve just left and I too have got the knot in my stomach and the horrible anxiety.
But your post means so much! Thank you x*x
9th September 2019 at 5:18 pm #87683LozzyXParticipant
Thank you for sharing and helping to motivate those of us still in an abusive situation… I was so close to getting freedom but he was so so so clever at tricking me into thinking things weren’t as bad as I made out and that he really loves me and just needs help for his mental health etc etc.
At least now I’ve gone back once and seen this really don’t change and that I wasn’t just exaggerating it all in my head…that now finally it sinks in and I have to just accept he is abusive and nothing I can do will ever change that
Thanks again for sharing, I hope one day I can do similar 🙂
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