A long journey ahead.

[Somedaydreamscometrue]

Hi
I’m new here. I left my husband at the end of last year.
Hoping for a clean break, it became nothing of the sort.
Currently the police are collating a case against him, for so many aspects of the abuse I suffered.
Initially I did have support from a case worker at the domestic violence group locally, but after a month or so, even after reaching out for help, or just someone to be there, the support just seemed to vanish. Messages left unanswered, and promised calls to me never made.
The last few months, has been tough going.
Some days I have good days, and others I’m a mess.
Since leaving my husband, I’m unable to trust anyone, as people pick sides. He makes himself out to be the saint, the victim, with his persona of a nice guy.
Friends have been lost, and even family.
Even when (removed by moderator), instead of pursuing me for further destruction, he (removed by moderator), and the money I was getting to raise his son, has stopped.
I attempted a new relationship, but that was just so full of reg flags. Constant triggers to how my husband had been. I ended the new relationship after just a month or so
(Removed by moderator), after the end of that relationship, the man is still constantly harassing me
I’ve changed my number, after he used over (removed by moderator) numbers to make contact (each number blocked), recently he is creating new Facebook profiles to message. (removed by moderator).
I know I should go to the police about it, but how can I, when I have the case pending against my husband.
Sorry for the long winded message, just need to get it off my chest

[Lisa]

Hi Somedaydreamscometrue,

Welcome to the forum.

It’s understandable that you would be reaching out on this forum, especially as you feel let down by services. This is a absolutely ‘vent’ and I’m sure the other women here will soon be able to validate your feelings and perhaps be able to offer advice on how to move forward.

I’m sorry your local domestic abuse service didn’t follow through with the support you felt you needed then. It’s clear you are in need of support not only with what is happening with your husband, but with your recent ex-partner and you can certainly approach the police about both. You may want to reach out to the The National Stalking and Harassment Helpline run by The Suzy Lamplugh Trust on 0808 802 0300. Their website also has advice on being stalked, what to do, personal safety and FAQs about the law in regard to stalking and harassment: https://www.suzylamplugh.org/

You should be able to re-approach (however, I understand why you may be wary) your local domestic abuse service to let them know your circumstances have changed and what you feel you need support around right now (like with approaching the police for example). Perhaps do a search using the link highlighted above, as some areas have more than one domestic abuse service. If you haven’t tried support via your local council, you may want to see what they can offer as well.

Victim Support can be a good source of support as often they have outreach workers trained in domestic abuse. You can search for your local service using the highlighted link above.

Have you had any legal advice yourself yet? For free legal advice, you could contact Rights of Women. They are a voluntary organisation that offer free confidential legal advice over the phone. The Family law advice line offers advice on DV & abuse, divorce and civil partnership dissolution, relationship breakdown, issues relating to children. Duncan Lewis Solicitors also run a support line and may be able to offer you some help. They can be contacted on 0800 689 3275.

For more emotional support, you could also try calling Supportline who offer confidential emotional support by telephone, email and post. They work with callers to develop healthy, positive coping strategies, an inner feeling of strength and increased self-esteem to encourage healing, recovery and moving forward with life. They also keep details of counsellors, agencies and support groups throughout the UK. They cover a wide range of issues, including domestic abuse. They can also refer locally. You can contact them on 01708 765200 or visit their website at http://www.supportline.org.uk.

Please do keep posting to let us know how you get on.

Take care,

Lisa

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Somedaydreamscometrue

Sorry for these terrible experiences, compounded by the local services failing you this way.

It very much is a bit of a roller coaster of emotions, for the one day this, another day that. Your thoughts and feelings can be all over the place.

I’m impressed that the police are taking action and collating a case for you against him. That can also be very hit and miss, so its a big positive that you have this. Do you have contact with anyone at the domestic abuse unit in the police, who could probably advise on other local services to you?

Its hard to know why a service will suddenly stop supporting you, and its certainly a very invalidating experience, which is harmful to your strength to cope with it and to recover.

Keep posting on here, and reading others’ posts and you will see how familiar the threads of your experience are to those here. It can at least give you a sense of how you are not alone with your experience, and maybe pick up some helpful tips for managing/understanding/recovering.

warmest wishes

ts

[Anonymous]

Of course you can make a case against him, he’s re-triggering you. I know from personal experience how abusers can be attracted to people after leaving a situation, also understand the people side taking through the smears character assassination and manipulations that make you lose people and have people assume terrible things about you when the victim/abuser roles are switched I’ve experienced it and it’s horrendous, there’s a stalking helpline, also Lucy Lamplugh trust number even live fear free offer a listening service if your feeling scared or troubled by someone, your going through an awful time, maybe some telephone counselling or speaking to a gp might help cos it’s really stressful and life altering 🤗🧡🤗

[Author]

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