A melt down today

[Tamra]

I cant believe I just broke all over the place today and I had work so god knows how I got though it.

Crying crying and more crying I have only just pulled myself together so I can write this

Just as I was on my way to work I saw his new women drive past me she didnt see me but I know her car. It looks like this may have been her first time in my house for the whole weekend since I left. It breaks my heart that she has walked into my shoes and I want to get her out of them. I havnt heard very nice things about her and its not from people who know me directly but they do know her and him, funny really as everyone speaks highly of him but not her they say she isnt a nice person, shes a cheat and has been around the management and they have all been in relationships. I do question all the men in that case too but this time she won she beat me or did I just let go this time? In one way I feel for her as she must be vulnerable but in another I hate it I feel she will change him and make him into a nice person. Everyone says to me he will cheat on her again like he already has but because it was me he was begging and having sex with I dont see that as cheating in a funny kind of way, however he did tell me that it was different as it was me he was sleeping with – to show me that I was important.

I feel totally rejected but friends say I shouldnt as he went off a while ago but I only left over a month ago so not very long at all. I want him to show his face and say sorry for the lies he told over our break up and the games he played and the blaming me for it all happening. I didnt make him cheat he chose to do that even though he said he didnt and really needed me to believe him. When i said what if I had another man he shuddered and said no that would make it more complicated – what the hell does that mean? Just dont you dare go off incase I want to come back or something?

My friends were great today they let talk it though and let me just cry and cry. Even though I never hear anything positive about him, which is what I want, they do support me. I think my head knows the truth but my feelings need to catch up. I am a very ‘feelings’ person so I do like to let them have a voice but this time I want them to hurry up and stop hurting. I feel like I have had my Karma for one reason or another and surly its his turn???????

xx

[Anonymous]

Hi. I can nearly guarantee he won’t change for the better with her. He won’t turn into the man you wantedhim to be. They are not capable. It sounds like they deserve each other and you deserve better X

[Starlight]

Hi Tamra, i am so sorry to hear you are suffering like this and in all this pain. I can relate myself. Just salked away from my own relationship only 3 weeks ago and i was replaced in less than a week.
It really hurts as our feelings are way behind our knowing inside.
The crying helps a little and having your friends around to support you is a blessing. Just take it a day at a time. Its really hard this time of year and i know all sorts of yhings keep running through your head, i know they do in mine. Its very upsetting and i feel sick inside, but it will pass xx

[Tamra]

Thank you both,
I find it shocking how they just go off with other women, mind you this one has been around for well over a year. The tooing and froing He was doing was just awful and I know it’s good to be out of the toxic relationship but it’s hard and yes more so this time of the year.

Wow Starlight you have only just left too, I would like to say I admire your courage as its a really hard thing to do.

Lots of love xx

[Starlight]

You hang in there Tamra. It is hard for all the reason you say and especially as we have been conditioned to feel its all our fault and i was told constantly that I blew it. You believe it and started questioning my self worth and my identity. I feel like i dont know who i am anymore as what he kept telling me i was and what i thought i was are miles apart.
I do feel like its my fault and i brought this on myself as i left him but i had to because i was on the verge of self destruct.
Now i am like you, crying my heart out, because of the pain, hurt, how easily i was replaced and how happy he seems.
We are left feeling like nervous wrecks and they seem content like they have no worries in the world. Where is the fairness in that.
I feel i NEVER want another relationship. It affected me so badly.
I am going to get myself a little dog that will love me know matter what and doesn’t expect me to justify my every move.
I am thinking about you Tamra and sending you a virtual hug. We are all in this together. You are stronger than you know and you are better off without him too even though we dont feel like it sometimes.

[Hopesprings]

So sorry to hear your finding things so difficult. It’s been a few months since I finally broke free. I get how you’re feeling about it bothering you him being with someone else. That’s why they are doing it though. That and they have a need to abuse women. I think about my ex moving on to another woman and it makes me sick because I know he will abuse her again. I just hope she looks him up to find out his history of DV with me, or that she spots the signs and walks away.

I’m working through the freedom programme online. It’s really helping me. You should give it a go when you feel ready they may have a group in your area. 🙂

[Tamra]

Thank you
I have been on the freedom program twice the first time I spent the whole time crying and the 2nd I was more involved but there was a women there he works with, that was hard but we sorted it out in a confidential manner and also a women who’s partner had also been with the women my ex is with but know one will know this info.
I’m doing the power to change after Christmas so I hope this will help me even just to cut more emotional ties as I feel stuck and want to let go so I can move on. I do find things on the net helpful Melanie Tonia Evans I find great as she helps you to get out of ‘victim’ mode and move on with life in a healthier manner. I hate being a victim but I do accept that I am or have been one. I thought he loved me so being a victim to someone who was meant to love me I have found hard to grasp…

Lots of love and thanks for all your support
Xx

[Author]

Posts