19th February 2021 at 10:20 am #121954
The last few weeks I have struggled after doing so well and trying to move forward with my life.
My ex has a new girlfriend, and I can’t help but feel angry!! I don’t know if these feelings are completely normal or not??
I have no feelings for him what so ever and would 100% never go back…EVER, but how can the man who put me through hell move on in life and be happy??
The man who still stalks me, questions our children if I have a boyfriend and just wants to know my every move!
I know full well I will be painted to be the unfaithful one, the crazy one, the one who broke our family up, but how can I overcome all these thoughts??
I still hide away from the world, and him!!
I have no contact with him because quite frankly even hearing his voice makes me feel scared, anxious and I just fall to pieces.
He uses our children to give me all the wonderful information on his new found love which puts them in an awkward situation.
I don’t know? Maybe I’m being sensitive!!
I know I need to shift my thought process away from him, but finding it really difficult because I want him to be miserable! I want him to feel pain like I still do!
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. X
19th February 2021 at 11:26 am #121961
What you’re feeling is perfectly normal, if painful but you need to realise he isn’t happy and he never will be. He wants you to know about this relationship and he wants to paint this happy picture so that you have these feelings of doubt. If he was truly happy he wouldn’t care to let you know but he’s going out of his way to make sure you know about this relationship (triangulation) to invoke these feelings in you. It’s what abusers very often do. Involve a third party to try to make us jealous and question if there’s something wrong with us. When it’s them. Where is the time he’s taken to heal, to spend with his children and build on the bond. He simply doesn’t care. They move in to the next victim as quickly as they can. Mine did the same while trying to get me back with him, keeping her hanging in the background. He had been seeing her while we were still together. These men are cheats and liars. Next time the kids volunteer information just say that nice but that’s dads business a d you don’t need to tell me. Limiting direct communication with him is the quickest way to recover and he will hate it. He’s waiting on a reaction from you so don’t give him one.
19th February 2021 at 11:28 am #121962
Think of the truth of the situation as a rock in a choppy sea. You know the truth. That he’s the abuser and he broke the family up the very first time he abused you. So hang on to that rock of truth and no matter the waves that try to knock you off. You hang on and let the waves or thoughts wash over you and away. These men are never truly happy and never truly move on. He would hook you back and abuse you again just for sport to keep working on those boundaries and building a life away from him. He’s still the same miserable abusive man he always was. She will find out herself in due course once the love bombing stops x
19th February 2021 at 12:35 pm #121968
Thank you for the responses, I definitely needed to hear that!
I have no contact with him now at all, and all information is sent through our children. I have said I don’t wish to hear anything about him! He even asked our children what my reaction was about his girlfriend??
I also hate the thought of what story he has told her. I know I can’t do anything about that other than knock on her door and look like the (detail removed by Moderator) ex wife he has painted me to be…Which I wouldn’t do because that will be what he wants!
19th February 2021 at 12:57 pm #121971
She’s not your responsibility. There’s your proof asking his kids what your reaction was. Next time just say that’s lovely but don’t share daddy’s business thanks. Keep it light and normal tone. The kids need to learn about manipulation and gaslighting so it might be worth a chat with women’s aid or the NSPCC on how to handle this going forward because he’s using the kids just now to get to you and he always will. He’s fishing to see what hurts most. He’s expecting you to crumble and come running back. Break zero contact. Don’t give him the satisfaction. It’s obviously driving him nuts that youre moving on. Remember the graceful swan. Graceful above the water while underneath your legs might be paddling like crazy x you will get through this. You will become a stronger wiser person. He will always be a lowlife coward x
19th February 2021 at 1:27 pm #121973DarcyParticipant
Hi my beautiful angel … pinkheart,
You have no control over how he is feeling so don’t even waste your time thinking about if he’s miserable or not
We put far to much focus on these men and analysing their feelings, that we forget about ours, and any energy that is given to them takes the energy away from what we could be investing in ourselves.
Start working on yourself love and self worth, and now you are away from him you can set boundaries, which will help you step back into your power.
Don’t get involved in their circus, nothing your children will come home and tell you will benefit you or make you feel better so don’t engage in it.
Be an example to them and when he goes low, you go high
All you can really control is your life… so make it wonderful, make you wonderful and very quickly the world around you will start to change for the better and his little world will shrink out of sight and you won’t even care about it
Sending you love and support
19th February 2021 at 4:43 pm #121980
Thank you! I needed to hear that. 🙂
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.