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    • #16762

      Hi ladies, i like this quotation and hope you will too X*X

      http://www.yourtango.com/2016288905/best-revenge-you-can-get-be-happy

    • #16772
      Serenity
      Participant

      Thanks, HA.

      I agree, the best revenge is to be happy.

      I went into a church yesterday. I prayed that I would receive something to lift my feeling of imprisonment post-abuse.

      Today, I have been filled with a peace due to a recurring thought which is that “I was ok as I was.”

      What I mean by this is, when you are abused, you feel that there is something basically wrong with you or unloveable. Abuse dehumanises you, plus it dies t help that abusers blame you for everything. You tend to believe them after a while!

      But today it occurred to me, d**n, I was okay as I was!

      I was a hard worker, responsible, truthful, tried to be a good wife and mum, and I did nothing to deserve the abuse I suffered.

      How ok I was has been highlighted by my struggle to work and operate to my opt in since my separation. I have felt guilty about not achieving like I used to.

      Now, I want to return to being who I was! I want to be exactly like I was! There was nothing wrong with me! I had faults and foibles like anyone else, but I was basically an OK person! He criticised exactly those things which I realise we’re best about me, and I realise it’s because he was angry that he wasn’t like that, he laughed at goodness.

      I was happy as I was. I want to get back to that. I don’t want to live like a victim anymore. I don’t want to be defined by the abuse.

      I know why I have always been so critical on myself. I have a critical family, for whom your efforts are never good enough. I was reminded of that this weekend, when a sister came to visit and reacted to some news about my other sister in a very critical and judgemental way, news that should be greeted happily. I realise I have a pretty negative family who aren’t encouraging enough. That’s why I chose a husband like I did. He is like that too.

      I am ( mainly ) free of the shackles of an abusive husband, and I can see where certain members of my family go wrong in being negative and overly critical about things and people. I can be free if they too, by choosing not to take their philosophy of life on board. It’s not me to be negative like me them,mind I don’t like being around it much. Being around overly judgemental people is so bad for you.

      I received a Facebook quote yesterday which said that we are valuable simply because of who we are. Not just because if what we achieve or what we do. That was like balm to my soul. I am from a family and lived a marriage where I was – or people in general- never good enough, apparently. We don’t need to be perfect to be valuable.

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