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    • #167777
      Allornothing
      Participant

      I am not sure how to write this without it having to be moderated too much! But I thought I would share some good news which may be helpful to others!

      Without trying to go into too much detail, ex was charged (detail removed by Moderator). At times I felt it wouldn’t go anyway and the CPS would take no action so to say I was shocked is an understatement, but overwhelmed in a good way. Although this does not mean he won’t stop (detail removed by Moderator) and him understanding the seriousness of his actions – I am hoping he decides to drop it now and move on with his life. If anyone wants any advice, do feel free to message me as it can be a daunting process, the doubts, others saying ‘but he hasn’t actually done anything wrong’ and in general people just not understanding the effect it all has on us. I am hoping I will be able to start waking during the night and in the mornings without it being at the forefront of my mind, I am hoping I can start doing gardening now in the hope that he won’t turn up and stop looking over my shoulder.

      I hope this gives others hope, keep telling yourself you are doing the right thing, take advice from wherever you can whether that be Women’s Aid, Victim Support, IDVA, DVAssist, Independent Stalker Advocates – it is all out there, you just have to push and push and once your voice starts being heard, you start speaking to people who really do get it and understand. It is something that sometimes we can’t rely and friends and families to understand, we need complete strangers to make our thoughts and feelings validated.

      But I did it, I got out, I supported him at first to get help until the realisation started that he wasn’t a good person inside like I thought, the good side was the fake side. Sending love to you all xx

    • #167785
      Texas
      Participant

      Wow, another one of us who has gained their freedom this week! Soo pleased for you xx

    • #167833
      Happybelle
      Participant

      Fantastic – well done 🙂 and good luck getting through the next weeks and recovering x
      I too have found the police extremely helpful. Mine has been charged with things too just waiting on the investigation to continue. It also means there are no contact bail conditions in place for some time.
      100 percent agree with this lady. Keep going, make your plans, keep your dreams and if you need it call the police they were exceptionally helpful. x

    • #167873
      Allornothing
      Participant

      I have had both negative and positive experiences with the police over the years. It went from positive but I was the one dropping charges which frustrated them, to negative where they put something on my record for something he said to them which of course was a lie (this had a huge impact on me and I felt so let down) and this negativity continued until I eventually left as they stood in our home and gave me no help and suggested I leave as he had nowhere to go or money (nor did I btw and hence I had to try and fund a hotel with my child and pet until the Council helped) but now that I have pushed and provided evidence, they seemed to come back on board. I think being set in our own minds as to what we want to do helps, it can be hard when you’re still in the relationship as the guilt kicks in and the partners work on our empathy and promise never to do it again!

      The journeys for us all are very up and down constantly but as I always say, it chips away at you until your brain says that is enough. It doesn’t happen overnight xx

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