A year later and I'm ready

[Onlyintime]

It was a year ago I emailed him and told him it was over. He was abroad at the time and returned the following day begging crying etc. I took him back even though he physically didnt leave. Anyway I am ready again. Following a character assassination a few weeks back ( I would say argument but I just stood and took it for 5 hours straight) I have finally decided that I want out of this nightmare. He wont change that I know. He told me he hated me but why wont he go. The house is mine, I pay the Bill’s everything is in my name. Last time I asked him to leave he smashed the house up and I had him arrested..that’s my fault too. How do I end this where he leaves the house. The only way I can think of is if it is on his terms. How do I get him to split with me?

[Onlyintime]

I have two small children. I dont want to uproot them. He just needs to go..but how. How can I do it where he decides he has had enough. Hes so patronising and is absolutley disgustingly horrible once he starts and he goes on and on and on about how awful I am and how I do everything wrong. Even in the bedroom..he wont kiss me. Never it’s just sx. No intimacy. It’s rape that I consent to cause god help me if I say no. Never physical apart from smashing the house.

[Lisa]

Hi Onlyintime

Sorry to hear about your situation. If you haven’t already, you could speak to an advisor through the Women’s Aid online chat, so that you can explore your options and make a plan. You can also find details of your local service here https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/ and maybe you could discuss the situation face to face.

I understand that you don’t want to leave the house. It sounds like he has no rights to your property, so calling the police again to have him removed may be an option. You could check your rights with Shelter or get some legal advice from Rights of Women. Another option may be to get an injunction, DV assist 0800 195 8699 would be a good place to call to see if this is an option.

It is not ok for him to have sex with you without your consent, it is not consent if you are too scared to say no or trying to avoid an argument. Please consider getting support around this from Rape Crisis or your local sexual violence service. You do not deserve to be treated this way.

Take care and keep posting

Lisa

[Onlyintime]

Thank you for your reply. I think the best way to do this is to wait for the next big one and call time on it. I have tried ending it by talking- house smash..tried by email..he returned and begged and cried. Nothing changes. I am now in the calm phase after the last big one (detail removed by moderator) ago. It started about a puppy and transformed into a (detail removed by moderator) rant about how terrible I was with money, neglect my kids, how I always make a mug out of him and that he hated me. So much more was said. Mocking my depression etc etc. I’m just done after (detail removed by moderator) of trying to appease him. I recently gave up work as he thought I wasnt spending enough time with my kids all though it was (detail removed by moderator) a night. He messes with my mind and tells me hes not controlling and he only wants the best for me. I just dont love him. I’m not even attracted to him. I cant leave I need him to leave. I dobt want to involve police unless I have to as i dont want to go to court. I’m at breaking point i feel like I’m gonna crack up or end my life. I’m so alone nobody is on my side as he is a golden child in the eyes of everyone and he is so b****y entitled. I struggle to believe he knows what he is doing..does he? Is he just very naive believing he is not doing any wrong. I’m so confused but i know i dont want this.

[Kitkat44]

Hi Onlyintime
The thing that I struggle with the most is that they do it on purpose. My Oh has been fine the last two weeks. Well he had a meltdown last night but at himself not me or children and I was able to be compassionate towards him which I was surprised at because I don’t feel much love for him. I’m just so worn down and sad, trying to stay polite and not be grumpy or cold as they could start a row. I don’t know. Can’t sleep and struggle to think of anything else.xx

[Onlyintime]

Hi sweetie I know how ur feeling. I’m the same. Right now I’m in the calm everything’s ok stage. Trying to rack my brain of a way to annoy him and for a fight to start so I can end it. Better yet he does. I’m just done with it all. I’m in a state of anxiety which is crippling as i am obsessing over how to end it. It’s horrible having to tip toe and be polite when u just want to scream. I’m staying calm for my kids they have seen enough in their short lives. B*****d I hate him. He was nice for my birthday got a cake took me out for dinner but I’m trying to remeber the end game and not get sucked back in. Peace be with u

[Author]

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