Absolute joke really

[anotherlife]

He’s horrible to me & the kids whenever he likes, so much has gone on in the last year that I have lost every but of confidence – in fact, I think I lost most of it years ago without even realising, I’ve had to inform the kids schools as I’d got so scared of him flipping out one day for a neighbour they can go to for safety if I ever need, lots of other stuff. I’ve spoken to him several times & he’s promised to try harder, I’ve given him chances though I know deep down that it’ll never change. One last time perhaps due to several circumstances. It sounds pathetic really but as I lost my job to redundancy & haven’t had chance to make proper plans yet… No-one on the outside really sees what he’s like.
Anyway, he works away a lot. Buys the kids nice gifts from travels, to sweeten them or try to show his love, as he can’t seem to manage otherwise. I know time zones need you about but really! He can come back from a trip in the day while the kids are at school, pretend to miss me & try it on & say that it’s out chance of some time together, no emotions most of the time but all of a sudden, he loves me so much he says & will do anything for me. But when my period arrives anytime, he’s in bed at the same time as the kids saying he’s tired! Snoring his head off all night! If it wasn’t my time of the month, he’d sit on the sofa with me for hours waiting for me to go to bed! He’s so obvious!!!!
I know I shouldn’t give in but I don’t very often & this then causes issues. I just think it’s an absolute joke how he doesn’t see that I can see right through him for everything he does. But a sad joke really & may be that’s what I am. Staying here for the easier life as we’d struggle so much of it all kicked off & me with no job etc. Him going crazy with anger if I ever try to get us out.
But I won’t be here forever. I know he’ll skip up again. I know he still makes me nervous & anxious & can upset the kids at the drop of a hat. No respect for others. On and on.
I need to toughen up & aim higher / look forward it i’ll never get out. I said months ago that is never let him touch me again but I give unfit a quiet life. Shows exactly what he’s done to me 🙁

[KIP.]

Once you know about abusers they are so transparent. You really need help to escape and that’s where women’s aid come in. They can help with housing and benefits etc. Legal advice too. You cannot do this alone. I gave my advice x chance after chance. I was always waiting for that slip that would give me my excuse to leave. My get out of jail free card. But the truth is you are unhappy in your relationship and are entitled to walk away for that reason alone. Fear Obligation and Guilt are not reasons to stay x keep working on yourself. Build your independence and separate life x

[Author]

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