Abuse from the father of the child

[fantifanti]

Hello,

I would like to get more information about information on what is counted as emotional/psychological abuse. I am from (detail removed by Moderator). We were kicked out from fathers home in (detail removed by Moderator) when my little one was newborn and we went back to (detail removed by Moderator). After that he started revenging me because I listened to him and left his home after so many times he told us to do it. (detail removed by Moderator). He has ever barely paid and Child Support as well. For (detail removed by Moderator) years on a daily basis I receive emails, skype messages from him that I am a bad mother, he will take the child away from me, the child should not live with me, that me and my family are idiots. (detail removed by Moderator) In my opinion, it is impossible. So every time my son hangs up after a couple of minutes because there is nothing to talk about I am getting abuse that it is not good, it is my fault, that I am a bad parent. I tried to change it so many times but it was hopeless. I will try to (detail removed by Moderator) and change it, because when son come home from nursery around (detail removed by Moderator) it is impossible for us to spend one hour on Skype, and then if child runs away frm PC or refuses to talk I am being blamed badly for it. Father never was really interested in his son’s life, always promoted only his rights. He still cannot be alone with child because he does not know anything about him, they do not even speak one language. (detail removed by Moderator) he started saying to his son that he will take him to (detail removed by Moderator), that his mommy is bad and not allowing contact with daddy he wants to Skype to him every single day at anytime during the day, also he has got fixed visitation hours, but he wants to see him anytime hi is in the country and it does not matter to him if I am at work or child is nursery, or it is late evening). My son started being scared and during the last visit father started saying it at our home, that his daddy came in late and wanted to come but mommy was so bad and did not let him do it. The result of it was that my son asked him to leave earlier from two of the meeting ( because he sees him twice a day with a small break at our home ). Also last year during the visit father grabbed his son and told him they are leaving the house and he is taking him to (detail removed by Moderator), my son still remembers it that he was upset and was shouting so father leaves him alone. After all those actions child would refuse to him go alone, he is afraid and father is putting all blame on me and abusing me constantly. What I can do here? Would any of this count as abuse here? What will happen if our son refuse to go alone with him? He always tried to everything so he can take him to (detail removed by Moderator) illegally ( making passport secretely, trying to take him out of the house). What are my options? I just want to live a peaceful life with my son and be happy. Are there any orders which would stop him from sending abusive emails and contacting me constantly? I am working full time in the UK, my son will be attending school (detail removed by Moderator). (detail removed by Moderator) Also twice father accused me of abduction to the UK and police and removed our passports from us , both times case was withdrawn because it was a lie. Any advise would be appreciated.

[KIP.]

Hi there. Ring the helpline number on here. Also, google Rights for Women. They offer free legal advice on the telephone. Do you have a third party that he can send emails through? You do not need to take this abuse. You do not need to have direct contact with him. There are harassment and stalking laws that can be used. Also, contact centres to ensure your child is safe if meeting with his father. Keep a journal of all his unreasonable behaviour and any evidence of his abusive behaviour. Try not to show your ex how upset you are. The more upset they see you, the more they fuel themselves x

[fantifanti]

Hello,

Thank you for the quick reply. Who can be the third party he can contact with? I have blocked his emails, they now go to Spam. He is still writing messages through Skype. What are the chances for us to use Contact Centre? He is always trying everything so that he can be alone ( I am 99.9% he wants to abduct my son to (detail removed by Moderator)). I am more than happy if he comes to our home or uses contact center to contact his son. I am just so afraid he will be alone, even tho my son would never ever go alone with him after all what he has done. He just does not feel safe with him. Also, if I ever give him any advices when he is visiting, he just tells me to shut up because he is a father and he knows everything. Does it count as harassment or stalking? Because in (detail removed by Moderator) for (detail removed by Moderator) years I have been told that father can contact as many times as he wants and can write anything just because he is the father of the child, so there is no such law which would stop him from abusing me. I am just tired of this, and someone has to stop it.

[KIP.]

Most solicitors in the U.K. offer the first half hour free for legal advice so you could visit a few if you can manage. See where you stand legally x

[Ayanna]

By what I understand the boy’s father lives abroad and only visits the UK occasionally?
You could move to a different address and go anonymous on the electoral register. Also, when you move you can go without registration on the register for at least a year before authorities go mad. And then you can tell them you are scared of that man. He cannot find you then ever again.

Keep all what he writes. Abuse is not allowed in the UK.
If he cannot find you, what can he do?
You could tell him you go to (country removed by moderator) with your son and just move somewhere else in the UK.

Then you have time to get legal advice and sort the situation out.
If your son is scared you could raise a safeguarding issue, inform the social services that you do not live together and he abuses your son and you need a section 47 against that man for your son’s safety.

All about child abuse is in the government document: Working Together to Safeguard Children. You can read it online and make an informed decision how to block this man out and keep your son safe.

Then you can inform the Home Office not to let him into the UK.

[fantifanti]

Hello, Thank you for your reply. Yes he lives abroad and will be coming to UK occasionally. Believe he will find ways to find us. He will go to police and say we are missing, he will say I have abducted his child and ect. I am just trying to do everything legally so that he will stop abusing both of us. My son is already scared of him because (detail removed by moderator) he tried to escape with my son by force, also started saying to him that he will take him to his home country soon and that his mom is so bad that she does not allow daddy to come. Obviously my son is upset with him because he is saying bad things about his mom. (detail removed by moderator) he did not even bother coming and went somewhere else on holidays. He is barely paying maintenance and if he is paying anything he then says that he wants to get something back for the money he pays.. child is not a thing for which you pay. He has got feelings and is a great a boyt and I hope he will never be harmed. I am just trying to get as much info as possible so I can protect him as much as possible in the future. Father is saying that child should be taken with police and enforcment officers by force to make sure he goes for visitation alone with his father but he does not care that it will traumatize him..He is just doing everything to get him back to (country removed by moderator)so I will never see my son or come and live under his rules

[Ayanna]

Have you spoken to social services about a looming child abduction?
Think about what I wrote and what you can apply.
Report him everywhere.
Do not feel ashamed or anything. Tell the services what he is like and that he abuses you and your child.
They can block him from coming in.
Speak to the police.
The police can flag you, so when he says you are missing they will not act on it but inform you instead.
Have you spoken to Women’s Aid and social services?

You see him as so powerful, but he can do nothing when you have the services on your side.
They can flag him and he will never be able to enter the UK. Game over.

[fantifanti]

Hello, thank you for your reply. Can I just go and see someone in Social Services? I know them well in my country because received probably about 100 complains in all those years and all of them were withdrawn because they all were lies. Now they came to this level that they just ignore what he says. I just need some peace.. but every day I get something new from him. His goal is to remove child from me so I come and beg in his country. My biggest fear for him to be alone with our son. Also, in my country he joined community of men who work against mother and they were helping him (detail removed by Moderator) to escape with the child. Thankfully it did not happen.

[Author]

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