9th November 2020 at 10:45 am #116143maddogParticipant
My ex has been making false allegations against me for a long, long time. He now lives with his new victim.
I’m still struggling to accept that I have won. I have won freedom. I have the children. I have a family. I have friends.
My ex made his first mistake when he made allegations against me for something that didn’t happen. This led to my getting loads of support from all sorts of agencies. It also led to a diagnosis and help with PTSD. It led to him being exposed as a liar, and it led to him being a phone call away from being charged by the police.
The hell he has put me through has meant that I’ve been able to deal with some serious demons of my own. These days I can see the wood for the trees and that there is a way out of the forest.
It’s so hard to accept this new reality.
Although the ex is fading in my mind and his covertly abusive emails are less triggering; the papers are out of reach and it’s the beginning of being able to see the documents as though they happened to someone else, I struggle to believe it, and am still confused about how the hell this all happened.
It’s so true that when an abuser wants to go to court, they are moneybags inc. but when it comes to child maintenance they plead abject poverty.
The ex has completely abandoned his children. I find this particularly difficult.
9th November 2020 at 10:55 am #116145KIP.Participant
Surviving survival is difficult too 💕 long hard process but we can heal and grow. We can’t be responsible for their behaviour. They build resilience in us and hopefully their children. They will always be sad nasty little parasites 🦠. I’m grateful every day not to have that in my life x
13th November 2020 at 11:06 pm #116354fizzylemParticipant
You’ve done so well, I remember it going on for such a long time, was similar for me; we shared similar stories in alot of ways. Lie after lie, its so so difficult to deal with – wasn’t it. So happy reading your post, finally he was caught out and the table turned. It is sad how it’s turned out, but remember, these were his actions and choices, poor choices indeed, but he made them. Your children are likely better off without him MD. I have one whose father had no input whatsoever – he turned out grounded, caring, balanced, compassionate, happy go lucky, a real Mr Brightside – I truly believe this is because me and my family met his needs and he always felt much loved and cherished, so he never had to deal with having a feckless, useless father – which enabled him to grow and thrive. My younger child, she still has to deal with her father, sadly she is wounded as a result, although we have made progress I can see she will need years of therapy as a young adult. I will ensure she grows from this, builds resiliance, overcomes because we can always make lemonade from a sour lemon hey.
You’ve been to hell and back dozens of times with this man, he truly wreaked havoc, give yourself time. It takes a while to heal for sure; the good news is though that it will never be like it was back then ever again now; there is only moving forwards for you all now x
14th November 2020 at 8:26 am #116357WaterspriteParticipant
You’ve all done so well! I love that making lemonade from a sour lemon! And absolutely feel proud for not having him in your life anymore it is sooo hard to get free – but possible for those who haven’t…. yet!! I so understand the disbelief about the hell you have survived I’m the same whilst I am going about every day survival and getting kids through and having happy times and loving freedom and whilst I know it’s happened/happening sometimes it almost feels like it happened to someone else. I think it’s my brains way of protecting me??
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