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Nope more than two years later, I feel no pity towards him. He deserves everything he gets as a result of his beliefs, attitudes and behaviour. No poor him. Poor me. He put himself in that situation. He chose so he must take responsibility. I didn’t put myself in that situation I chose to marry and love him but ultimately I chose to leave him and learn from this traumatic experience.
If he doesn’t change, I don’t care. I only care about me now.
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Funny to see a before and after opinion, I went through the feeling sorry for him stage but it didn’t last long. Once the fog really clears you begin to see that every nasty thing he did was his choice. I feel nothing for him most of the time. Inbetween shock when he stoops even lower and does something outrageous. But on the whole he deserves everything that comes his way. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
Betterdays, your time will come when you feel nothing and days go by when you do not even think of him. Keep going x -
Is part of the problem that we do feel sorry (for them) and want to forgive and go on forgiving until there comes a point where we have to say ‘sorry but on your head be it’?
I’m very new to this site so am feeling my way but as a ‘survivor’ I’d like to say ‘well done’ to all those who did say ‘sorry, but on your head…..’ -
I used to feel sorry for him. That is what kept me there as his victim all those years. I thought he was a little boy lost.
But to see how calculating and cruel he was after separation and even before- he wouldn’t have cared if I died. I nearly died in the first couple of years of our marriage, literally. And I am even thinking he willed me to die-not calling me a doctor.
We feel sorry for them, but they don’t care about anyone else. They don’t feel love, guilt, compassion, empathy or responsibility. All they feel is anger, jealousy, internal rage, envy, disdain and other horrible emotions.
They are dangerous. I don’t pity him now. He had a choice. He improved in the middle of our marriage for a year- but he chose the wrong path.
Pity is what got me into this mess. He is from a poorish country, and I believed the idiot when he said he’d had no toys as a child, that he’d never eaten bananas or potatoes! In fact, his parents are quite well-off compared to their countrymen!
They aren’t worth your pity. They feel nothing good for other human beings.
PS Welcome, Kestrel! X
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