Accused of abuse by my abuser

[Startingtogo]

My abuser has reported me to the police for sexullay abusing them. This has happened after I have reported them to the police on 3 seperate occasions.

I know that it’s an unfounded allegation but I’m so upset that they can sink to such a low point. I have been asked to attend an informal police interview (detail removed by moderator). I have organised a solicitor to come with me and will go armed with print outs of contradicting emails from my abuser but am so scared.

I’ve been brave enough to leave and have recently asked my solicitor to start the non-molestation order process but this latest allegation had really rocked me.

Has this kind of thing happened to anyone else?

[Grey Rock]

This is pretty typical behaviour, especially for those who have children with the perpetrator of abuse. Probably not much consolation, but no doubt the police will recognize it for what it is.

Many of these men accuse us of what they know themselves to be guilty of, projecting their own fear and self loathing at us. Whether that’s affair, controlling behaviours, abusive acts, sexual behaviour and attitudes or financial stuff.

Also, if you’ve been successfully conducting yourself with no-contact this might well be a way to goad you into contacting him out of anger or desperation, so please take a deep breath and use any rage to power your own efforts to get your own life moving in a better direction than looking back at him. Write down how you’re feeling right now and what he did and said so that any time you feel any obligation to go easy on him or give him the benefit of the doubt you are reminded of what a manipulative abuser he is. (It’s easy to forget when they turn on the tears or threaten to harm themselves or similar).

Do you have support from Women’s Aid or a similar agency? If not it’s worth getting sone in place. They’ve seen and heard it all before. I know for me it was a relief to talk to people who weren’t going to get upset (like friends and family might);and who could understand the magnitude of my experiences and the effect it had on me and my own life, habits, thoughts, feelings and behaviours in the aftermath. They were also great for practical support, and could help me as I struggled to make myself understood or heard by other authorities (including the police).

Goodness these men can be such scumbags.
You’re in my thoughts and prayers today.

Take care Chicka.

GR xx

PS the light shines through the darkness, and the darkness will not overcome x*x

[Lifebegins]

Hi Startingtogo

Yes I’ve been accused too. In legal proceedings. I think it’s par for the course with abusers.

Like you, I’m just collating all my evidence ready to present. Unfortunately I’ve learnt that there is no low that they won’t stoop to. It is very scary but I think the police and the courts are familiar with this type of counter claim. Try and remain calm. He needs to present evidence too or else it’s just he said she said.

Get in touch with WA. I’d definitely recommend that. As GR says, they’ve seen/heard it all before..I’ve done counselling with them too and it’s been tremendous in helping me cope with the constant antics of my ex.

Whatever lies ahead, you’ve done the hardest part in leaving. Good for you. Stay strong 💪xx

[Author]

Posts