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    • #134316
      Gazebo
      Participant

      Hi all
      My husband constantly messages me every day getting at me little digs constantly wanting attention from me (detail removed by Moderator) saying to me I Amy as well hire a mistress because i don’t want him enough etc it’s so so draining I hate it when messages come in from him. (detail removed by Moderator) he’s at work and messaged saying I know i keep on but are you OK you really don’t seem happy (no sh*t) should I respond and pretend all ok like I usually do or use this as an opportunity to tell him its his messages (there is a lot more to itni know) I keep typing a response and then delete it I don’t know what to do xx

    • #134317
      Eggshells
      Participant

      I think only you can answer this as you know your relationship best. These questions might help.

      What do you hope will happen if youbtell him the truth?

      What will actually happen if you tell him the truth?

      What are the likely gains?

      What are the likely negative affects?

    • #134318
      Gazebo
      Participant

      Thank you- it will likely start a row over messaging and he will throw it back at me and twist things he just seems completely oblivious to his harassing and behaviour xx

    • #134510
      privatelady
      Participant

      I can 100% relate to this.
      I am away from my abuser now (the context has changed and now its phone calls and messages over our child which turn awful so I’ve blocked contact other than at set times)
      I’d either get phone calls and messages lovebombing telling me I was amazing or the other how I didn’t love him, what was wrong with me, did I need help or checking my whereabouts (I worked through lockdowns and there was only one place I was going to be so how checking up on my whereabouts when I was working made sense? Where was I going to be?) it was constant.
      If I was with friends my phone would go to “check” something but not once, like about 6 phone calls. I’d only be out a few hours, or there would be a problem I’d need to sort. I gave up going far for long in the end.

      Just remember, there’s no gains from this other to make you feel bad when there not next to you. It’s a key tool to manipulation and control. Keep you at your low and master how you feel.the sighs in front of colleagues when they come through, oh I’m just tired, I didn’t sleep well.
      If your good at masking and have to practise at all times for something as simple as messages you can keep the bigger secrets too right?

    • #134521
      Bananaboat
      Participant

      Gosh I remember this so well. Getting the abusive texts whilst at work or out with friends, having to hide my emotions to others, getting nowhere by text…then you’d get home and he’d either be vile or overly nice like nothing happened. I used to reply, then stopped because it just fueled the fire. I was also careful with my replies so he couldn’t twist or use them in the future. But as others have said that might not work for you, be warned once one method of abuse stops working they find another.

    • #134579
      Gazebo
      Participant

      Thank you private lady and banana boat he is exactly like this my stomach goes as soon as I see its him. I actually said (detail removed by moderator) it needs to stop his messages are constant and full on he said (detail removed by moderator) I just can’t do that anymore and I’m so fee uo of him twisting things so I end up backing down and saying yes I’ll make more effort as right now I know I can’t. I get thr constant if I’m sat on my phone what you up to what you looking at…you were along time dropping the kids off..(detail removed by moderator)..frustattes me as thsts exactly what I was doing!! Soon as I said stop harassing me it feels like he’s up tht anti w days later I got while I was at work (detail removed by moderator) I’d only be gone (detail removed by moderator). He alsk keeps telling me to go to thr docs to get medication he seems to think that will sort me out 🙁 xx sorry waffling just need go get it out x*x

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