• This topic has 4 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 3 years ago by Lisa.
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    • #122909
      Skullsy
      Participant

      Hi im skullsy, im (detail removed by moderator) I sought help to flee my husband of a long time after years of abuse in various ways. I didn’t believe it was all abuse (i know stupid now). I just thought he was a bit too obsessed with our family unit since he (detail removed by moderator). He became more and more abusive as the years went on and used threats of suicide as a way to control us all. Eventually i reached a point where i needed it to end and got support from woman’s aid. I left him finally after a lot of planning but then the stalking started, the threats, he broke into the house and (detail removed by moderator) (i dont have the full proof it was him but we knew it was) he planted (detail removed by moderator) etc under my bed (detail removed by moderator) to scare me. He left (detail removed by moderator) when he wasnt meant to have access to the house. I found out through the process he had been (detail removed by moderator) for years and we finally had him arrested and charged for stalking. He was about yo be charged with child abuse when he ran. Massive police search invading our home every day and night for over (detail removed by moderator) until he was found dead having taken his own life outside the (detail removed by moderator). He was twisted right till the bitter end. I hate him and everything he ever was or did to our family but sometimes i miss things about our life together or something triggers a memory and i freak out. Ive been diagnosed with traumatic ptsd but due to the whole covid nightmare i feel I’ve just been left to figure out how i cope and move on. Anyone any advice. Im i bad for missing parts of our life given what he did to us all. To my daughter. God i hate even thinking about it but my head is a mess

    • #122911
      Dolly00
      Participant

      Oh my goodness! This is just awful. I didn’t think some of the things I went through with my ex was abuse… until I read up about abuse. You say he didn’t grow up with a childhood. That must have been difficult for him but to treat you and his children like that there’s no excuse. It’s disgusting. He was clearly very ill, none of it your fault. Doesn’t matter who he was with he would have always been this way. Of course you will miss things about him and the good memories you have! You probably had good days right? And that’s what you cling onto. You’ve got children together! You are grieving. Not only for you but your children. You aren’t alone. It’s just going to take time. I’m so sorry you’ve gone through this. And if you want to send me a message I’m 100% here.

    • #122955
      Watersprite
      Participant

      Hello – you are not alone x What has happened to you and your family is so devestating – I’m so sorry – you have been so brave. Please keep placing the blame wher it lies he was a vile dangerous abuser who has escaped justice. It is completely normal to feel everything you are feeling and yes we miss the good bits we thought we had. I’m not surprised you have PTSD – can you speak to your GP as a starting point and definitely women’s aid ? – they will also be able to offer you and your children the support they need. Things like walking, mindfulness trying to eat healthy and support from services have been helpful for us. Take care of yourself whilst you rebuild your family and every best wish and hugs to you x

    • #123263
      Skullsy
      Participant

      Thank you both for your responses. Plus im sorry tto the moderator. Im not really sure whats ok to say or not on this things.

      Its been a tough road and i really am feeling rough these days. My daughter now hates me and blames me for everything that happened. She moved out the house and wont even speak to me. Yesterday was mothers day and not even a text. I feel destroyed because i know i let her down. I failed her in the worst way possible and now she hates me for it all.

      Ill survive this and i know i will but do any of you just get sick to death of surviving things. I just want to live not survive.

    • #123358
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi Skullsy,

      I’m so sorry to hear about your experience, it sounds like you have been through so much, and it must be incredibly traumatic.

      It’s amazing that you are able to share your story, I hope that the forum feels like a supportive and healing place for you.

      Do you think you might want to consider accessing some counselling when you feel ready? Your GP or the counselling directory could be a good place to start: https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/

      No need to apologise about the edits – I just try to keep specific details out of posts to keep everyone anonymous.

      Take care and keep posting,
      Lisa

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