13th July 2021 at 11:14 pm #128748Berlinbaby3Participant
I have managed to get away from my partner of (detail removed by moderator). He lives in (detail removed by moderator) and it took me a long time to decide to move on with my life. He has a lot of mental health issues, BPD and I believe he is a n********t due to his behaviour. I have kept in touch because he struggles with his emotions and I often get drawn back and even though he is hard work he has some good points. The past few months have been hard for me as my beloved father passed away and I have not been feeling good, mentally. My ex has been quite supportive but I have continued to try and keep contact to a minimum. (Detail removed by moderator) he asked to talk and told me that he cannot go on with his poor mental health and has decided to (detail removed by moderator). I was so upset and he was talking about it as if it was a good thing and said he had made his mind up (detail removed by moderator). He has mentioned suicide many times during our relationship and it was one of the things that finally made me pull away but this feels different and I dont know how to feel. he says he wants us to talk a lot and even asked me to come and visit him (detail removed by moderator). To me this seems like utter madness but its really upset me as I am grieving for my father. I really dont know how to react. I feel angry and bewildered. Has anybody got any advice?
14th July 2021 at 12:13 am #128750littledoveParticipant
This one is very difficult as it is centring around mental health and wanting to end one’s life – or claiming to anyway.
However that being said, this is common for abusers to gain sympathy and draw a victim back in and cause the victim to worry. My ex did it all the time. I would leave and he would say (detail removed by moderator)
And would threaten to kill himself.
But you have to realise that this man isn’t your responsibility. He has his own life and own issues that are nothing to do with you. Given his nature and the way he is, I would call his bluff and that it’s just another manipulation tactic to suck you back in.
There’s no need for you to be involved in this situation, and if he wants to do that, then that’s up to him. If he was serious about it, nothing you would say would change his mind. But I bet if you begged him not to and agreed to see him (which is what he wants), he would all of a sudden change his mind (yawn).
Also the being supportive of your father passing away is another manipulation tactic. They go after you when you are most vulnerable because they know you need that emotional support – rest assured it’s fake and is just a way of getting you back on his side and maybe thinking “hmm maybe he’s not all bad.”
Also something else that popped into my mind as well, is that because your focus is all on your father, he may be feeling jealous (yes of your deceased father, it’s twisted) and wanting the attention diverted from your dad onto him, so that he can get a high off of you grieving over the potential loss of him now. This is how twisted their minds are.
I would respond saying “if that’s how you feel and that you absolutely can’t go on, then I can’t do anything to change that, and it’s nothing to do with me, I hope you make the right decision for yourself. I can’t come out though to see you, this is something you have to go through with your loved ones.”
Just to see how he responds. I’ll bet any money it’ll be met with harsh words from him over the fact that you won’t go and see him (as this is ultimately his goal), and probs accuse you of not caring enough about him etc (guilt tripping).
14th July 2021 at 12:48 am #128754OvercomeParticipant
(detail removed by moderator) is not an easy thing to achieve. You have to go through lots of tests and counselling and have a valid reason for wanting it, even if he did want to do it which I believe he doesn’t and 100% agree with little dove; I don’t think he will be granted it…
My ex threatened suicide so many times which broke me to begin with, but was told that most people who end their lives usually don’t tell a soul. I had some advice on this forum to say I am not trained to deal with this so I am going to call an ambulance right now for you… the suicide threats soon stopped.
You owe this man nothing, keeping in contact is giving him an opportunity to get inside your head and get you back under his spell. Stay strong and cut ties, it is the best thing you can do for yourself I promise!
Overcome x x x
14th July 2021 at 7:14 am #128760beachhutParticipant
This man’s behaviour is vile. How dare he behave like this when you are grieving for your father, my ex partner did the same when I was at my lowest after the passing of my Mother, they swoop back in like vultures when you are at your lowest ebb and because you are not in a good place, try any tactics to fill your head with promises and lies, if he thinks he can just turn up and ask someone to assist in him to die, he clearly has problems, the process for assisted suicide in any country where it is legal is very complicated. He’s threats to take his own life are again a way of getting you to feel sorry for him, mine went on to tell me how my mother would be so pleased to know that he was looking after me when I know she would be horrified that a man could treat her daughter in the way he was treating me.
Please stay away for this man, he is an adult and not your responsibility, take the time you need to deal with your grief for the passing of your father, which I know be difficult be kind to yourself, and honour the memory of your father don’t waste your time on this horrid man.
Take care of you, beachhutXx
14th July 2021 at 2:08 pm #128787Berlinbaby3Participant
I want to say a huge thank you for all of the replies. I cannot tell you how comforted I feel and its helped me gain the strength I need completely break all contact. I have suffered enough and I can see from the replies that I am not alone in dealing with someone who is completely toxic.
Again, many thanks, you have helped me so much. I am not going to send him a goodbye message. I am just going to block him and try to move on and recover from all of his abuse.
14th July 2021 at 2:30 pm #128789beachhutParticipant
Well done you, I hope your journey to recovery is a smooth one.
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