Advice needed

[Hetty]

My husband is aware I’m not happy. After a huge row and me saying I’d move out he’s now asking what I want in terms of settlement. I’m worried that he’s going To be aware of my plans if I tell him at his stage and he’ll up the games. I’m going to view properties. I don’t know what to do…
As we know, these men are far from reasonable.

[diymum@1]

Keep ur cards close to your chest don’t tell him anything until it’s settled through the solicitor re a plan xx no he definitely won’t be reasonable so that’s a guarantee in itself xx

[KIP.]

He’s fishing. Don’t tell him anything. No matter what you say he’s going to use it against you. Just concentrate on your exit plan x

[Cecile]

Yes I agree with the advice given to you. I stupidly, very recently, agreed an arrangement verbally with him as I felt sorry for him. Then I found out he was trying to do me out of a substantial amount and that there is probably more. Get an assertive solicitor who understand coercive control. Be strict about the next thing …. only ever contact him about finances through your solicitor. It will pay you in the long run and above all will protect you. The staring point for matrimonial assets is 50/50. Use the legal system to get what is due to you.

[Hetty]

Thanks all. It’s just so hard to try and live normally when I’m making these plans. I’ve been planning since last summer when I managed to get a promotion putting me in a better financial position. I just don’t want him going mental in front of my kid. My son is already scared of him and sees me crying a lot. He also hears the awful names I’m called. This has gone on too long but I have nowhere to go until I have a house secured which is still going to take a few months reasonably xx

[KIP.]

You could try to get an occupation order to have him removed. What he’s doing in front of your child is child abuse. It’s damaging both you and your child. You could speak to 101 and ask for some advice. There’s nothing you can do that will stop the abuse. Even if you tell him what you think he wants to hear, he will simply change the goal posts and abuse you about something else. I once got a half hour verbally terrifying assault over the wrong kind of dairy product I bought. It’s not about the subject matter, it’s about him using you as a verbal punch bag to make himself feel better. If I was you I’d rent a room with my son for the next few months if I can’t get my abuser removed. If all your ducks are in a legal row then put your belongings in storage and even if you have to sofa surf, it will be better than what’s going on at the moment. A child suffering this kind of anxiety could take a lifetime to overcome. A broken heartEd relationship ends and mends quickly but abuse can often stay with us for a lifetime.

[Hetty]

From what I hear an occupation order is hard to get? The mortgage is in his name due to my circumstances when we moved in together. Although we are married and I have contributed half of everything and contributed an amount to the deposit. Sometimes he’s said he’ll leave and when I’ve stupidly jumped at the idea he retracts. I don’t want to stay living in this area. I want to move towns, although I’ll have to come back here for work.
My child is not his child. I’m his sole parent.
I have nowhere I can stay. None of my friends have offered to help me out in this way. I guess they don’t want disruption for their own kids. A friend of a friend does air B&B and she wouldn’t even help me out. It’s been awful feeling completely on my own.
I viewed a house today but is was disgusting. I’m just taking one day at a time. Moving ahead with very small steps xx

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