Viewing 3 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • #60791
      Chocolatebunnie
      Participant

      I’m having to end a mildly emotionally abussive marriage but not sure how.

      I have 4 children and two oldest want dad to leave 2 youngest idolise dad.

      He is not nice to me and eldest kids including my eldest son who has left home. Sadly he left home and a huge reason was his step dad. All other children are from my marriage x4

      His mother my mil is toxic and lives near.

      I’m anxious and love him but he talks to me with sarcasm and won’t let me reason with him. He has been verbally abusivd in past and has humiliated me in front of children telling them things about how I’m messed up from a previously abusive relationship.

      It’s tsking me ages to realise if this marriage is not emotionally sbusive then it’s definitely unhappy and toxic.

      Please if anyone can advise me, I need some strength.

      I rent my home and pay all bills except for rent which husband pays.

      Thanks in advance x

    • #60794
      iwillbeok
      Participant

      Hi Chocolatebunnie,

      I am so sorry that you are going through this. I was married for decades and the marriage just got increasingly toxic. Unknown to me. It was only once things escalated at the end and I had to call the police that the realisation dawned that this was an abusive relationship and not just because of how things escalated; but that this had been going on for a long time. So well done for reaching out and looking at saving yourself and your children.

      Please phone Women’s Aid – it can be tricky to get through but if you can leave a safe number and time to call they will get back to you. Whatever you do, do not let him know you are thinking of leaving/ending the relationship. This can escalate the abuse as the abuser realises they are losing control, and can be the most dangerous time for a woman.

      My escape was very sudden and there was no plan. I was extremely lucky that it worked out the way it did. I felt like a fraud at first – that so many had it way worse than me. That is the minimalizing talking – it is our worst.

      You’ve used the term ‘mildly’ emotionally abusive relationship – be cautious that you are not minimising the behaviours. I would have classed my marriage as mildly abusive too (once I had opened my eyes that there was any abuse going on!) – abuse is abuse. And it only gets worse with time.

      Do you have someone you can talk to in real life too? Keep reaching out; Women’s Aid, your GP, the police. Keep posting here – such wisdom and caring on this forum.

      Stay strong, you deserve to be safe, you deserve to be free from abuse and fear.

      Iwillbeok x

    • #60859
      Chocolatebunnie
      Participant

      Thanks iwillbeok you helped me believe in myself and I followed the advice you have given and rang the helpline to be told I was right and I used the web to explore minimilising and hadn’t realised what I had been doing. This was a real eye opener.

      My children are in the receiving end to being involved and unsupported by husband.

      I’m going to contact local team and get some more support and end my marriage which is making me anxious even typing this is but I will have a nervous breakdown if I continue with the stress levels I’m facing right now, and more importantly I owe it to my children to protect them from the emotional abuse.

      You have been just what I needed, and thank you 😊 I will keep using the forum as it helps to interact with people who know.

      I hope you are happy now you are free of your situation

    • #60862
      iwillbeok
      Participant

      Oh Chocolatebunnie, I am so glad you have been able to reach out and speak to the helpline!

      I have my down days/parts of days and am still healing but am definitely happier; I walk taller, laugh more. I am optomistic for the future.

      Knowledge is power – if you feel up to it google cycle of abuse, love bombing and hoovering. It cam be quite a shock to realise the situation you’re in. Take it slow. Can you get your GP to get you on a waiting list for counselling with an abuse specialist?

      Keep going, stay strong. Sending hugs, brave lady.

      Iwillbeok x

Viewing 3 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2015 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ JobsAccessibility Guide

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account

Skip to content