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Hi everyone, can anybody recommend a good book on covert emotional abuse please? I have read ‘Why Does He Do that’ by Lundy Bancroft which is very informative but seems to be focussed more on physical abuse which I don’t have to deal with although I sometimes think it would be better because then the abuse would be clear and obvious. I experience very subtle and contrived abuse that can be so subtle I will later question whether I am just being paranoid or too sensitive. He is highly emotionally intelligent (I do not under-estimate him) and he chooses to use his intelligence to secretly get his way as the dominant partner by manipulating me like a puppet (I just don’t see it at the time). I am hoping there is a book out there that can identify the insidious tactics used by the truly secretive abuser just to assure myself that I am right and I am indeed dealing with a covert emotional abuser. Many thanks. X*X
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I’ve recently discovered Evan Stark, who is an American psychologist who I believe was behind the research for the new coercive control laws in UK. His research is published online and he also has a best selling book. He is fantastic. He talks about abuse making us a non person. Have a look and see what you think, I was greatly impressed.
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This really helped me to understand covert aggressive behaviour, spot it, which is emotionally abusive…
In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People by George K Simon
Its a small paper back and doesnt use jargon – easy to read, easy to digest.
From what you’ve said I think this would help you a great deal; although I’d be suprised if he is highly emotionally intelligent, as it’s usually a lack of this that leads to abuse, I’m wondering if he’s highly intellectually intelligent and emotionally manipulative as this combination is more likely. x
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I was just going to suggest in Sheep’s Clothing but noticed that Fizzylem has already recommended it. It’s an excellent book that names and describes all the covert manipulation tactics that you couldn’t give a name to. Along with Lundy it’s one of my favourite books. There is also another book by the same author called Character Disturbance which follows on from in Sheep’s Clothing and which is also worth reading.
Love Copperflame x
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Forgot to say. You’re probably right, fizzylem, he may be intellectually intelligent rather than emotionally intelligent. It was just an observation from my neighbour who said a couple of years ago when discussing his ‘anger issues’ that he had high emotional intelligence as she was an Occupational Therapist and I believed her.
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