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    • #124512
      Freedompoppy
      Participant

      Hi,

      I wonder if anyone could help me, I’m thinking of reporting my abuser. I was in a coercive and controlling relationship and it’s come to light through councilling that he was using sexual violence. It was like a light 💡 moment. There is one counter that he videoed me and took photos. I was intoxicated and couldn’t even stand. Other times were sexual violence and excuse used as Sun/Dom relationship which we never spoke about throughout the relationship and Iv only just looked into what he meant. He’s always said you consent.. you wanted this. But I didn’t who would. I have no faith in the police as it landed in their hands last October and I was coerced into withdrawing evidence. The main night that I’m struggling with was the night I was intoxicated and how he isolated me from all friends family’s and jobs.
      I don’t think ok strong enough to press cHarges but I want to make the police aware and surly they would have last times evidence? I went through all our data and copied conversation between me and him and it’s shows so much abuse.
      Can you just inform police and not take it further is my question I’m guessing?

    • #124593
      Living Warrior
      Participant

      firstly hello, and i am sorry you are going through this,

      i have reported things to the police, statements of harrassment etc…
      if these things are historic-like mine was- there was no evidence of the sexual assaults, they note it and thats it, but my advice is report it- i had started “police logg” they told me no matter the incident you can call your local police station or 1o1 or even report it by online chat to police, they will give you an incident log number- which relates to your incident. i was told by police that you can add more incidents to your logg to show a pattern of behaviour and later this can help with court orders etc if needed. keep records of all abuse, screen shots, messages, call logs. if you do decide to leave and things escalate then you have proof of the escalation. i was so glad i had my proof. it is still helping me now as my ex continues to try and dig his nails in.

      stay strong! you can do this!

    • #124619
      Watersprite
      Participant

      Hi Freedompoppy sorry to hear what you have endured. I reported my ex. They will definitely have last times evidence. You could call 101 and discuss it – I doubt if it’s historic without evidence they would compel you to court even if they thought they had enough to charge but I’m no expert so maybe chat it through with them or victim support so you are fully aware of choices and options x

    • #124622
      Sleepypigeon
      Participant

      Hi, so sorry you are going through this.
      I also had lightbulb moments after talking with someone and struggling with similar.
      It’s the same question I have asked myself, if no evidence and historic, can you report so its logged without them wanting court etc or is it just wasting the police time?
      I’m out, free but part of me wants these things noted somewhere incase it helped a new supply, or that horrible though there might be others that have reported but not enough evidence either? Do the police care? Would it help?
      Stay strong freedompoppy your not alone in this
      X

    • #124968
      Freedompoppy
      Participant

      Thank you all for replying, isn’t there a way you can have a informal chat with a police officer?
      I just want them to be aware of how cruel this man is and could be to someone else

    • #124974
      KIP.
      Participant

      The police aren’t the people to have an informal chat to. You can make a statement about his abuse anonymously through victim support so that the police will be aware of who he is and what he’s done so that if another victim comes forward they will have your statement as corroboration. Talk to victim support or women’s aid about how to do this. I’d make a full statement to the police and let them see if there is enough evidence to arrest him. There’s lots of help out there to support you with reporting. You might not be ready just now but you might also regret not reporting within the time limits for a prosecution x

    • #124978
      Freedompoppy
      Participant

      Thank u KIP

      The risk would be he would know it was me even if I did it anonymously. I did speak to victim support and they said I would have to report it as sexual abuse. But for me it’s more I was in a coercive and controlling relationship and he was violent through sexual acts. Since I left the relationship I know it sounds crazy but for my recovery Iv gone through all our data and put it under heading such as coercion/sexual injuries etc. I don’t think I’m ready no to call the police and as he has sexually abused me because I’m only (detail removed by moderator) away. However my biggest question is if I was such a high risk homicide why didn’t cps see it through for public interest. I have later found out is was Not dealt with by a domestic abuse officer either, just cps and uniformed front line. Iv been searching so much for the right thing to do and only want them aware of this awful man who’s walking around and could hurt someone

    • #124979
      KIP.
      Participant

      It sounds like perhaps there was insufficient evidence to proceed to prosecution or you were an unwilling witness. You can ask them why they didn’t proceed with prosecution. If the police and CPS are aware of him already then it will help other victims if they too report.

    • #124983
      Freedompoppy
      Participant

      I withdrew my statement, he(detail removed by moderator) and I fell for the I’m sorry act.
      The cps said the amount of data was huge, he use to send (detail removed by moderator). I never was off my phone.
      He’s been quiet now for (detail removed by moderator), I haven’t heard a peep so part of me wants to run with the freedom and the other part is saying he done wrong.

    • #124984
      Watersprite
      Participant

      It’a just such a frustrating process and justice seems very hard to come by. I now think of the police as having two almost different roles
      1/ safeguarding
      2/ criminal justice system – where they have to pass an evidential threshold and ‘historic’ as they call it are always difficult because of evidence
      Risk and prosecution don’t always go hand in hand.
      You have every right to report and for an investigation if that is what would help you. You have already got him on radar so helped others – so brave.
      Re safety i got an IDVA who helps through the process.
      I think you can call your local Sexual Abuse Referral Centre (SARC) for advice as well or rape crisis and women’s aid. It’s early days be gentle on yourself you are doing amazing x

    • #124994
      Freedompoppy
      Participant

      Watersprite

      Thank you for your kinds words. Hopefully my IDVA officer can answer some of my questions today. Everyone said it’s early days but it feels a life time since I left and it’s coming thick and fast how abusive he was and how much the police failed me back then, i have to take the blame because I feel back into his trap (detail removed by moderator). So me reporting it back (detail removed by moderator) will the police keep that file and have him on radar? I never spoke about the sexual side and wouldn’t dare go against him because I saw it as normal what he did. Believe it or not he’s a (detail removed by moderator) in a high powered job and I feel they protect their own. ( he’s not a police officer ) I just want to make a statement and not take it any further I hope I can. Thank u all for your advice and if u have any more it would be appreciate. The risk of reporting… do I run with the freedom and hope his new partner doesn’t get hurt or do I set myself free and do the right thing
      It’s so hard and my friends think I can’t move on from the sexual side because I know deep down it’s vile.

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