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    • #16500
      [email protected]
      Participant

      So we had an argument over the fact that I have a personal trainer who records videos of my exercises (mainly to promote himself). My partners friend follows my personal trainer on social media and as a result saw my pictures and videos. He went and told/showed these to partner who is now angry.

      He told me that I am a s**t who is well know for her bum being displayed all over social media. He said he needs to deal with this so now is ignoring me and calling me an embarrassment. He wants me to get rid of him and stop going to the gym altogether for known status.

      I partially agree with and feel terrible that I allowed myself to get a personal trainer. He doesn’t believe girls and guys can be friends and having a trainee means a lot of unnecessary touching. I apologised and I agree that I can avoid that situation. Instead of listening and understanding he just ignoring me and I feel terrible.

      It’s true I wouldn’t have like to see his pictures all over social media. How can I overcome this? What should I do?

    • #16503
      Suntree
      Participant

      Why would you feel terrible about seeking out help to improve and enhance your life, health and well being?

      You should be very proud of yourself.

      First of all there are a few questions I would ask honestly from myself and the honest answers will help with the question what do I do?

      Did your partner know you have a personal trainer?
      Did he know they were a he?
      Did you discuss with your partner about the personal trainer using videos of clients to help promote his business?

      If there is a no to any ask yourself why none of this was discussed or you didn’t tell them.

      Secondly the personal trainer:

      Did you understand what they were asking when you consented to have video’s and photo’s of you and how they were going to be used?

      You can withdraw your consent for videos and photographs to be used or how they are used and he should be understanding and not try to convince you otherwise.

      if it is only your partners reaction that has caused you now to doubt the video’s. Stop take a good breath, look at some without them and look at how well you are doing now from where you started off from and be proud of you.

      Thirdly.

      Your partner is correct this is HIS issue and he is taking it out on you.

      He is body shaming and blaming you for his insecurities.

      If he thinks that men and women can’t be friends well that says a lot about him and the way he thinks. Not you.

      If that was the case we would still have segregated workforce, schooling, etc.

    • #16504
      [email protected]
      Participant

      I didn’t tell him about my personal trainer because he’s always had issues with me going to the gym. I believe girls and guys can be friends but he thinks the opposite. He thinks that spending time with a man (going for dinner/drinks) is the same as sleeping with them. He says we have five senses so why does using one sense i.e. having sex mean more than the other senses (talking, touching, etc).
      My personal trainer did explain the purpose of the videos and pictures and did seek my consent. I was fine with them and I don’t think they are bad videos. My partner however thinks that they show off my bum and as a result of that people are now making fun of me. He said my face looks horrible in the videos and people are asking him if I am older. I don’t even know why he would say that – in almost all of them you can hardly see my face because I am constantly moving around.
      I have started to feel so bad that I am now considering leaving the gym and being far away from all the people that can spread news about me to him.

    • #16507
      Suntree
      Participant

      Look at your responses about your partner are they the responses of a supportive partner?
      Is he helping you to become the best you can for you?
      Does he have one rule for you and another for him and the rule for you is about controlling and isolating you?

      To me it isn’t the gym you need to give up, its your partner.

    • #16541

      Dear Small Steps, I think your partner is being completely wrong and out of order to act the way that he is. This sounds like he is on the threshold of the abuse escalating. Be careful, ideally get rid of him. X*X

    • #16556
      Confused123
      Participant

      hi hun

      HIs putting u down on purpose to break your self esteem more and so u give the gym up, they hate when we try to self improve ourselves,male and females can be friends,u just set the boundaries , when i joined the gym loads of personal trainers chatted with me, doesnt mean we were going to jump in bed together. carry on going gym cause u r doing it tobe healthy and to tone up, if video makes u feel uncomofortable ask trainer to remover but dont give gym up, i bet his friends dont even know u on there, its all lies

    • #16561
      Ayanna
      Participant

      There is nothing wrong with a personal trainer, going to the gym and publishing videos about fitness.
      I think you should keep all of this and make more videos.
      This is what makes you happy.
      Your partner is the problem here. How do you feel about the entire relationship?

    • #16564
      [email protected]
      Participant

      I feel like the entire relationship is toxic. He never pays for anything every time we are out I have to pay for it. Yesterday he asked me to get something then I told him to get it he said he didn’t have any money but later on he told his friend he will come to visit him all the way (removed by moderator) . Suddenly he had money – just not when he is with me. It’s come to a point where now I pay for his meals and I am
      Not even eating myself.

      He hangs around with young uni students even though we both graduated over (removed by moderator)  years ago. He always tells me I can’t see his friends because they know about what I did to him “snitched”. He makes me use fake names to meet people. He says he is embarrassed of me and will never be able to meet others with me.

      I told him I didn’t want to meet these people and lie about my name. He got even angrier and said that if I can lie to my parents to see him then I can lie for him.

      I don’t want to be with him but equally I can’t leave him because I feel weak. I have booked myself a counselling session next week just praying I can make it till then

    • #16568

      Dear Small Steps, he is treating your horribly, get rid of him. I know its so easy for me to say and nigh on impossible to actually do, i know that. But people outside see it with fresh, unbiased eyes and it is clear to me he is no good. My ex was so mean with money it was almost disgusting, i never felt loved, respected or cherished, i paid for things and i never got treated. This behaviour will erode your self worth, get rid of him, you will pick yourself up after a while. Keep posting on here, you get so much strength. X*X

    • #16569

      How about giving him a little text, next time you go out ‘forget’ your purse. See what happens. X

    • #16571

      All of these are immediatly available & free to read on Amazon, they really helped me………

      All books by H G Tudor
      30 Covert Manipulation Tactics in Personal Relationships

    • #16604
      Confused123
      Participant

      hihun

      welcome to this forum, u need to get rid of this guy, call the help line and ask for a support worker, the counselling is a good idea to , it will make u realize the realtionship is toxic , never stay with a gut who makes u lie about your name and says u cant meet his mates cause his embrassed, also why r u lying to your parents u r seeing him, is it cause they will disapprove, i think they may have a good reason, talk to your mum tell her how u feeling, mum can disapprove of our actions but offer brill support when we least expect

    • #16622
      [email protected]
      Participant

      My parents know about the abusive past (him going prison for it etc) so they will never understand. I can’t tell them anything. Coming from a closed community makes it even harder.

      I realise the abuse but always find ways of justifying it to be the correct behaviour. For example yes I did lie to him and go to the gym and get trained by a male. If he had done the same I would also react that way. What I don’t understand is that if I can forgive him for worst behaviours I.e sending naked pics of himself to other women and making sex videos then why can’t he just let this go. I put my hands up but why did he have continue using it as ammunition 🙁

    • #16629
      Ayanna
      Participant

      Oh hun! He uses you, he abuses you badly.
      You deserve so much better!
      And he is an ex con, imagine what he can do. Ex cons hardly ever start a career outside prison. Stay safe, please!
      Keep posting here!
      You will find the strength to leave!
      Big hugs! x*x

    • #16635

      He is a total sleezebag Small Steps, the more you say the more I think that.

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