After (detail removed by moderator), and so many attempts.. I have left

[Confusedgirl]

I rented a house (detail removed by moderator) ago, but didnt move into it, as i was so trauma bonded, and the devastation at trying to leave was so horrific i couldnt do it. So i stayed, got xmas out of the way and honestly felt that things had settled and i was going to stay..

However (detail removed by moderator) ago, he started with the put down’s, the criticisms, saying i was the controlling one, i had made his life hell, HE had been treated unfairly by me. It was like a switch had been tripped, i got up, in my (detail removed by moderator), grabbed my (detail removed by moderator) and went. He didnt contact me to see if i was ok, nothing. I went back the next day to ceolect all my things and my childrens things and i havent been back since.

I still cannot believe i did it, that i finally had the courage to leave. The manipulation and gas lighting was extreme at the end, and i was so unwell with the stress and depression. I was struggling to function, its like my body said NO MORE!! and lead the way for me.

The 1st week, he didnt care, told me not to try as “(detail removed by moderator)” so blase about it. Then when he realised i wasnt going back, he started the usual crying, saying he wanted to try again.

Now he is back to blaming me for it all. HE is hurt, HE is suffering, HE is the one that has been struggling the last (detail removed by moderator) due to the lack of sex!! Even though we did have sex. He is now begging me to try again, to start having sex again, as HE feels its important as that’s the point we should start from.

I am now wavering. I feel vulnerable, like i made a mistake. Hes made me feel like I was in the wrong, maybe if i did try harder? If i did have more sex with him??

No mention of all the names i was called, the abuse, the nastiness, the name calling, threats to hurt my friends, going through my phone, screaming at me..

All me and how HE feels unloved

(detail removed by moderator) in and im feeling worse

Help x*x

[Nomorepain]

You are amazing! I just read that feeling so proud of you! I am currently going through a separation but living in the same house. He has started up the charm again and I know how you feel you start to feel vulnerable. I’m spending evenings reading old journals to remind myself of all the disgusting things he did to me and my children witnessed.
I know the nights are the worst where all the memories keep flooding back. But keep posting you’re amazing! Xx

[Hereforhelp]

Hi confused girl, well done.,.really well done for getting out, it sounds like you had had enough and your body responded and took over to get you away from him …. now the aftermath of leaving… it takes time, not going to lie, for me it took some months to feel better a out my choice, all whilst my ex claimed to be suicidal, my fault we split etc… it does seem a common theme for abusers to try and convince/coerce to have sex … all about control.

“Now he is back to blaming me for it all. HE is hurt, HE is suffering, HE is the one that has been struggling the last (detail removed by moderator) due to the lack of sex!! Even though we did have sex. He is now begging me to try again, to start having sex again, as HE feels its important as that’s the point we should start from”

It is back to being all about him, that’s true to form and what he usually does, it isn’t real, he isn’t real, he is using old tactics to try and win. He isn’t suffering and you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.

What support do you have in Place Confusedgirl? Lean on your support.

You know your partner, you know his abusive cycles, use what you know about him to help yourself get free. I was with mine for decades and I was given that advice by a wonderful woman on here and it helped me sit back and think honestly about what to expect.

The less you hear/see him the more you will recover and start to heal.

Power to you confusedgirl,
HFH ❤️

[–Titanium–]

Well done on leaving, I know how it feels, I’m gong through all of this that you have just said and I’m leaving this week and having doubts due to the guilt, but I’ve told my best friend not to let me give up at the last minute and to make me leave because I know deep down it’s what I want! If all of you can get the courage to do it, do can I.

Just don’t look back, look to the future, don’t let him continue to control you, you’ve done the hardest bit, just keep going, I know it will be worth it. Keep strong xx

[Author]

Posts