** after leaving I feel such fear

[Butterfly 43]

Hi Everyone, I’m new to this forum hope you are all well. I left my husband (timeframe removed by Moderator) ago after I have lived in the same house not talking for (number removed by Moderator) months . We have been married (number removed by Moderator) years, and I’ve experienced the cycle of abuse probably 1000s of times (mostly mental).  He is now being super nice saying he wants me back and he will always be my protector,  I feel so scared and alone even though I have my son with me (not his son), he attacked him (number removed by Moderator) the last (number removed by Moderator) years, more recently (timeframe removed by Moderator) ago. The urge I have to run back to him is consuming me, I feel in a constant state of fear and anxiety over whether I’ve done the right thing.  I just want my peace back I miss the comfort of my previous home and currently living in a rental.  Any advice please would be appreciated.  Thanks

[EvenSerpentsShine]

The awful stress and anxiety, actually fear is the right word,  that these relationships create in us is very hard to live with.

I would like to say that I’m’conflict avoidant’ but, honestly I think most normal people are a bit.
Anyhow, most of us will do anything to get rid of the feelings of stress and fear and upset. By far the quickest way to do that, (and they ‘train’ us into doing this over the years) is to submit, give in, do as they want, comply.

If we do that then things instantly go back to normal. We’re happy because the conflict has stopped and their happy because they’ve got their own way.

This reaction has been so battered into you ( not necessarily physically but mentally) that you will still be reacting to it.
But, the problem is that the cycle of abuse will just carry on then.

In order to break it you have to trust yourself. Trust why you decided to leave ( you didn’t make that decision lightly) and ride out the uncomfortable feelings. It could take quite a while, but, what’s the alternative?

Were all supporting you. Xx

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