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    • #40484
      Millionpieces
      Participant

      Dear all,
      I have been gone for a while built up my life back after abused relationships. More than (removed by moderator) I’m single and happy person, building new hobby (learning swimming nearly (removed by moderator)) making new friends, dated which end either bcoz I realised I’m not ready or I stop bcoz I see red flags. I’m finding my self back building confidence is so hard. Over my ex but still cry everytime I think about my body get beaten. It is hard and rocky journey and yet not enough. I found out my ex living happily ever after with the new girl that he cheated on me. I feel so sick my stomach so pain feeling so sick. I have been abused, crushed, betrayed but may be I don’t deserve to be happy after all. May be the abused happen bcoz I’m horrible person deserve to be beaten. May be he is right after all that I been beaten for a reason. I hate my self, try to have positive attitude, positive mind and try to built new life, struggling, keep tumbling down everytime I try to get up. Him happy with his girl is aprove that I am a looser, I’m worthless, my life is s**t and there’s nothing I can do about it. I am ugly, old and useless.
      I hope Onky me WHO has to get through this and I hope No one Else in this forum feel like I feel now.

    • #40485
      Millionpieces
      Participant

      Why it’s hurt so much?

    • #40486
      Millionpieces
      Participant

      Is it worth to keep trying to have better life? I can’t go on anymore

    • #40489
      Sadie
      Participant

      You’ve come so far! (Removed by moderator). Even dating! I can’t imagine even wanting to risk it….

      You have even picked up on red flags. I am impressed. I think I’m going to have to try that Freedom program online and maybe suggest my daughter investigates it too before she is old enough to start dating.

      Did your relationship with him ever look happy from the outside? Maybe that’s what’s going on now?

      You sound like you are having a really rough night. I’m so sorry.

      Hugs

    • #40496
      Confused123
      Participant

      Hey Hun

      You are doing so well, why do you think you should give up now, just beacuse his playing happily ever after with new girlfriend doesnt mean that u hold no value. I too have been out now over (removed by moderator) years, i dont feel shame in the fact that my body is healing from the abuse, infact if anything i thank my self daily that i did finally get out, i dont think my body could take any more beatings now, just to be able to sleep in peace is a blessing. Ive tried dating guys too and stop because i could see the red flags in them, thats good that u can spot the red flags, i didnt even know what red flags were when i was with ex. When the right person will come he willcome , dont rush, continue on rebuilding yourself . I find i am ata stage now where i have accepted the abuse happend and now just need to let my body heal, that on its own takes time and is hard to think we allowed someone to do that to us. Never give up on yourself

    • #40507
      survivr
      Participant

      He’s not living happily ever after and the new one is definitely not living in happily ever after land. She’s being abused probably without realising it. The tactics he tried and tested out on you are being used on her now. Yes, he’s also giving her a great time but only whilst abusing her. He’s not gone and changed overnight for her, why would he? Abuse is what he feeds on, he needs to abuse and if he can’t abuse her he’ll move on.
      You are rebuilding your life and you are more relaxed now. This is just a set back x

    • #40517
      Serenity
      Participant

      Hi Millionpieces,

      The thing that stood out for me in your post was how active you’ve been- going out, going on dates, etc.

      It’s very brave of you to get out there, to try to do things and move on. But Women’s Aid suggests at least two years before you get into another relationship, and I think they are correct. After abuse, you need that time to focus on yourself, receive counselling, get your body, mind and spirit back to a good place.

      It sounds to me that you’re almost at emotional burn out, running on empty. Can you take a deep breath, and focus on yourself- your body, your emotions..breathe slowly in and out and remind yourself that there is no set pace for recovery. Do whatever you can each day that will help you to feel more pampered, secure and at peace. I don’t know what those things are for you, but for me they include breathing exercises, running, setting boundaries daily and engaging in lots of self-care!

      His new woman won’t be happy. Your ex won’t have magically changed into a nice man. How he behaved with you is how he will always behave. These abusers have chosen to behave as they do because they like it: it gives them what they want and they think it benefits them to behave as they do. They love to hold the power: you’ll hardly ever meet an abuser who is able to change and relinquish that power. Controlling – and hurting- people is what they do. It’s their way of being.

      Though you are in huge pain now ( and I know how that feels), you can come out the other side, but you need all the support you can get.

      Don’t suffer alone x

    • #40549
      Millionpieces
      Participant

      Dear all,
      Thank you so much for the mssgs, it’s help so much. It was just set back for me, like a slap and threw me back. It’s was just surprised how everything work for them both when she can be in this country from back door (I’m million percent positive) so does he. While I do everything properly but struggling every steps. They lie for everything in this life and it’s turn out well.
      I try to dates bcoz I feel terrified every time I feel alone will I ever brave enough to go out there. I have few friends go through brake up and they better once they dates so I tried it for my self but didn’t work for me. I’m getting old and I have no children or anyone. Far from my parent and something I feel so lonely and no one I can reach out when I needed.
      I did try to focus on my self as I realise I can not relay on anyone, but when everything feel too much I need others supports. I stopped my counselling ages ago I can’t really afford it.
      Thank you all so much for the mssgs it’s meant so much for me

      Hugs and kisses
      MP

    • #40554
      ILoveMusic
      Participant

      Hi Millionpieces 🙂

      The fact you are reaching out and writing speaks volumes to me – you are a STRONG, intelligent woman. The pain you feel proves to me 100% of how mentally well you are..instead of hating the pain try to accept it as part of getting well – it’s not nice but it will FADE – this is not a life long illness – this is temporary and it WILL pass.

      It’s horrid to think how ‘fine’ our abuser’s are doing – oh let them – it’s all fake – and this is something we know of them – they are natural born liars…what a great attribute (NOT;-)

      In your darkest hour MillionP you are never alone – come on here and talk to us – you will heal – you will be happy again – you will survive this – this will be a memory one day – you will make new friends – you will learn to love you for who you are.

      Hug to you.

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