Aftermath

[Tryingtocope]

Hi everyone, newby here.

So I came out of an abusive relationship (detail removed by moderator) years ago and am now getting married and with an amazing person. But I have been severely depressed and still have flash backs about the abuse. I felt so guilty for feeling this way because I have so much happiness in my life now so I went to counselling but that hasn’t helped. Has anyone else felt like This? Does the hatred and depression end? People say to me “look what you have now” but it doesn’t make me forget! I think about the abuse more now than I did when it was happening

[Serenity]

Hi Trying to Cope,

I think that trauma resides not just in the emotions and mind, but in the body.

My own personal belief is that counselling and talking it out are hugely important, and we can get also stuck in repetitive thought patterns. So, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) can be helpful in terms of training yourself to direct your thoughts more positively. However, many believe that Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT) is more effective for trauma victims and those with PTSD; it encompasses techniques such as Distress Tolerance techniques resembling mindfulness which can bring you out of your repetitive mind and into your body and senses. It can give you relief from the repetitive cycle of thinking about the past and can help bring you into the now and to experience and enjoy the present.

I haven’t been to a DBT counsellor but have looked up the techniques on-line, practising some at home.

Professionals are becoming more aware of how residual trauma resides in the body. Therefore, it needs to be unblocked and released from the body. You may have the most lovely partner, but if old memories and traumatic thoughts are trapped in your subconscious and your body, you won’t process them and be able to move on.

Melanie Tonia Evans speaks about this a lot. She practices a technique which includes physical therapy and healing the subconscious. I would imagine that mindfulness, yoga, meditation and any peaceful physical practice would help to centre you and bring you into the physical present.

Eye Movement Therapy ( EMDR) has been applauded by abuse victims for helping them to process painful memories. It is the fear of processing painful memories which can stop us doing so. EMDR helps you to face and process them by replicating R.E.M. – the rapid eye movement present in deep sleep where we process daily memories. I know you can sometimes get EMDR therapy through your GP. One last on this forum was struggling like you years after a divorce, and she said how helpful EMDR had been to her in overcoming the feeling of being stuck.

We can help process those thoughts which continue to affect us through our subconscious by focussing on the body.

I think trauma can really affect the brain’s processes. For example, many of us here have suffered not only anxiety but brain fog, confusion and memory loss. However, scientist says have recently emphasised how elastic the brain is. That is, we can overcome those changes using certain techniques. I recently took up arts and craft again. I think using the creative side of my brain has really helped me to feel more balanced and restored some clarity and a sense of equilibrium in my mind.
I am sure that creative projects somehow work to heal or strengthen parts of the mind damaged by abuse.

We will never be able to rationalise abuse. Abuse is too horrible to rationalise. But we can deal with its effects on our body, mind and emotions. I think a multi-faceted approach to healing is best, using a variety of therapies.

[Amaguq]

Hi Trying to cope.
Serenity’s given you invaluable advice (I have taken it on board, thank you Serenity)

Maybe it is the fear of it happening again? you have a wonderful fiance, it won’t happen, he/she knows your past and you have a very happy future together, you said he/she is amazing, so wonderful 🙂

I could never come to the terms ‘victim,trauma,survivor’ I am learning to.
You will come through this, take care and enjoy that happy life you will have 🙂 xx

[Anonymous]

Abuse even harder to rationalise when it’s been inflicted on you by multiple family members.

I think he coached them even though that appears extreme.

[Author]

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