Viewing 1 reply thread
  • Author
    Posts
    • #110162
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      So, I’m new to the forum and have been reading so many posts, aswell as sharing my own experiences and story. To raise more awareness I’d like to scare the first incident I experienced when reality hit me that there was something wrong in my relationship and the pattern that slowly forms . Hopefully others will come along and share too.

      For a (detail removed by moderator) I’d felt almost claustrophobic like I wasn’t living life for myself anymore, but I figured that’s what happens when you start a family. The little things like when they call you the first thing they say is ‘where are you’ rather than hello are you okay etc. Then it was the isolation and trying to convince you family members aren’t any good, Then the withholding money slowly crept in then the smashing and breaking things if you don’t do what they say when they say it. The list could go on, but now I look back there was a gradual patten forming.

      For me my final alarm bell rang when I’d gone out to a children’s party with my daughter (this was before my second daughter came along) it was at the weekend when he would usually be out, but for some reason on that particular day he’d been bombarding me with messages all day, and I sensed something wasn’t right, and when it got to a particular time he was calling me constantly saying he had (detail removed by moderator), so I had to come back or he’d smash the windows to get in. I panicked at the thought of him doing this so made excuses up to leave and tried to get back as soon as I could.

      Once I got there his face was as red as beetroot and he was gesturing with his hand to get out of the car, he looked so angry, that snarl he has and glaring eyes. I took my daughter out of her car seat and opened the door. Once inside he was in a rage, saying how dare I leave him standing outside and when he says I should come back I should come straight away, why am I taking my daughter to parties until this time of night (it was (detail removed by moderator)) he threw a heavy item at me (which luckily missed) then stormed upstairs and kicked the door so hard it fell off the hinges, he smashed an item to bits that it was actually unrecognisable after. His face was bright red the whole time, then he’d called me absolutely every name possible. I tried to call the police and he snatched my phone off me telling me if I did that he’d kill my grandmother and me then take my daughter. I was in complete shock, never seen him like this before. It was very intimidating and scary. I knew then, that he had serious problems that I couldn’t help with. And fast forward a couple of years I’m here. It’s worse, I should of left then. But planning and saving takes time. I’d like to hear anyone else’s experiences on when they had their reality wake up. X

    • #110172
      Eggshells
      Participant

      Woah, that sounds just horrific. Thank you for sharing.

      For me it was a really minor incident of control, him clearly having no reason for his behaviour except to force his will on me. It got me reflecting. As I read on the forum I remember more and more and can’t imagine how I missed all the red flags.

      Idk why but reading that reminded me of when he tried to force me out for a walk. I stood up any my baby’s head engaged. I was really uncomfortable, certainly couldn’t walk. He locked me out of the house anyway so I had no option. He wanted to walk, he wanted me to go with him so I had to waddle. End of story. Thinking about it now, there were so many abusive incidents during pregnancy and early parenthood. Even whilst I was in labour! Think I need to stop actually, I’m shocking myself with things I’d never thought about before.

      • #110173
        Anonymous
        Inactive

        I’m the same eggshells, the red flags were there. I suppose we dismiss it, especially when you’re busy looking after your baby.

        After reading so many other posts of shocking violence, I just needed to remind myself today of why I’ve taken the steps I’m taking because that could be me soon. That one particular event was the moment I knew this wasn’t normal or okay. There are other things that I don’t think about, not physical violence but things that you put away in a box in your mind and leave it there.

        I honestly used to be the kind of person that would of said something like this wouldn’t happen to me, but it’s proof that any of us can fall victim at any time.

        You did good eggshells because you too are an official survivor. I hope to be an official too myself, very soon. I’m counting down the days. Xx

Viewing 1 reply thread
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2015 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ JobsAccessibility Guide

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account

Skip to content