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    • #12155
      betterdays
      Participant

      And times I seperated from him and kept repeatedly telling him what he had done and how he made us feel were just pointless I used to think one day I will get through but I guess u never do. He’s basically got away with treating us like crrp and we are here suffering…..X

    • #12157
      Serenity
      Participant

      I know how you feel, having been with my husband about the same length of time as you were with your ex.

      They do leave us suffering and it takes a lot to get over, but we will.

      I think we are stronger people than we were, and we will fight this, and good karma will come our way and we will find joy in things again and from people and places we never expected. 💜

      • #12158
        betterdays
        Participant

        Hi serenity I do hope you are right I guess it’s not till u have come out of it do u realise u were in it. The same cycle of abuse the same messages same behaviour these people are evil to the core. I went to see psychologist y.day about my oldest who’s suffering massively from the affects he said a these behaviours are because of the past my son hot used to living on eggshells now we’re living in peace and he can’t cope with that. I feel so so guilty I hate myself so much. When I get stronger I’m going to look into helping other women even if I make a difference to just one personally as I wouldn’t wish this pain on anybody else. Xx

    • #12161
      Serenity
      Participant

      Don’t hate yourself. I wrote something similar earlier in the week, because I felt flooded with guilt at having children with such a horrible man- but we weren’t to know, because they charm us at first. Then they weaken us by manipulating and taking advantage of our vulnerabilities. Plus, we feel trapped because of the children, etc ( which is why a lot of abusers have children, to trap their victim!). It’s not that easy to walk out.

      I think you are right, the only way to not get overwhelmed by it all is to actually get up ( eventually- it takes time ) and fight against such things to try to make the world a better place, in whatever way that might be.

      I think it’s great that you are thinking of supporting others x*x

      • #12174
        wkdmouse
        Participant

        I have left (removed by moderator) ago after 29 yrs feel lost will get a few strong days then the tears come questioning my self feeling useless

      • #12188
        Lisa
        Main Moderator

        Hi wkdmouse,

        Thanks for your post and welcome to the forum. I’m sorry to read you’re feeling low. It is early days for you after many years, so it’s completely understandable that you’re feeling unsettled. There are so many emotions to deal with; sadness, anxiety, doubt, anger, grief- to name a few.
        Healing after an abusive relationship is a process that does take time, for very valid reasons. But it is possible, and other forum users on here will be able to tell you that life does get easier with time.

        If you can, please remind yourself of how brave you have been for making the change and getting away from an abusive relationship. It is positive that you are having some days when you feel stronger.

        Getting the right support can really help, so I am glad you have posted. If you would like to talk to a female support worker in confidence about how you are feeling you can call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247. Lots of survivors call the helpline after the relationship is over, as it’s often not until some time after that feelings arise and one feels able to talk about it.

        Keep posting,

        Lisa

    • #12196
      SilkyHalide
      Participant

      Wkdmouse I was (detail removed by Moderator) years it seems crazy looking back even in early days I was seeing red flags but he made me think I was being paranoid because of my past.
      Better days I am astounded how similar your posts are to my experience xx
      Life is improving slowly though please believe it gets better.

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